You Don't Know

67

*Peach*

_Peach what the hell was that? Ashton asked his fingers raking through his hair frustratingly.

_ Before you say anything, I'm sorry..I shouldn't have done that, I said softly.

his gaze softened and he came closer.

_Tell me what is A doing to you? Who are they? he pleaded.

_It's no one really, I brushed off the question. 

_No one? what do you mean no one? have you seen the state you were in? his features hardened and I knew he won't let it go easily.

_it's nothing Ashton please, I begged.

_ You're talking about it like it doesn't matter! Peach you don't understand that you scared the shit out of me! his eyes were throwing daggers at me. I thought you were having episodes.

_episodes? I asked confused.

_when someone has retrogade amnesia there is a chance they get their memories back. But the thing is they don't get them all back at once. They can come back as short snippets that don't make sense. the load of new information the brain receives, might cause a very strong headache and a lot of strong emotions such as fear or anger or sudden melancholy as a result of confusion. So when you were suddenly enraged, I thought maybe you had an episode, he explained like the doctor he was.

_ sometimes I forget you're a doctor, I smiled trying to lighten the mood.

he sighed, and posed his forehead on mine closing his eyes. 

_ I'm not trying to intrude, Peach.. I just worry about you.

_ as your roommate?  I couldn't help but point it out sarcastically.

he pulled out of our embrace and made eye contact with me. I looked down immediately. I don't care what happens now. It was this weird behaviour of his that made doubts come to the surface.

_now that it's all out in the open, you must know that not knowing you enough is what made me have doubts in the first place. I don't understand you Ashton. I don't know what we truly are. Sometimes I feel like you care for me, like you want me and then you're suddenly so distant. I can't decipher your feelings. so tell me, what am I to you? 

silence.

_ I can't push you to answer the question but at the same time I can't keep doing this. You said it yourself, my sickness is already making me so confused I can't add this to it now, I said trying to leave the room. 

the tension is suffocating. His silence is suffocating. Am I seriously this hard to handle? Why is it so hard for him to say that I can be his girlfriend? If it wasn't for the fact that I knew he cared about me sincerely I would say he was just a player, a manipulator. But then again who says he's not? that's the problem. I can't tell who he truly is!

As I turned my back to get out, his grip hardened on my arm. 

_ stay, he pleaded.

these are not the words I was longing to hear.

_not this time, Ashton..in fact, not anymore, I shook my head and tried to free my arm from his firm grip.

_why? he asked with a small voice. why is his voice breaking? is he about to cry? Why would he?

_because why would I stay? for what reason ? I replied louder than I intended to sound.

_because of this, he whispered as he  pulled me in and kissed me so suddenly but yet so passionately.His lips smashed mine and his tongue frayed a way in my mouth, trying to meet mine so desperately. I could feel his hunger for more behind this kiss. But he wouldn't dare to admit it. Why?