After Action [COMPLETED]

[SE] "2019 REFLECTIONS"

Written 20 December 2019

This year is no different from the last.

And as I listen to the first ending song of AnoHana, titled 'secret base'―or, at the least, the English part of it, anyways―I can't help but feel sad; it's only through the slice-of-life animé I watch (most notably 'AnoHana', 'Tamayura', and 'GochiUsa', which I have watched this year alone) can this Internet "mercenary" experience the joys and pains of "friendship"―along with "hope" and "happiness". I can't help but wonder if I am cursed to live a life of seemingly-endless suffering, in which I have brought it upon myself as well, due to a number of inane actions on my part.

I'm also reflecting on my decisions these past months, especially on whether I am making the right decision to detach myself from the people who know me―my former "friends"-turned-"acquaintances"―or it's just another fuck-up in the making. It feels like we have all drifted apart over the years. I'm not going to blame them, though; they're going to prioritize family over some "weeb" who can only lament at what his life have become. I know that taking care of the family they've created is a necessary thing to do, but it felt like they have "abandoned" me, because all I can only do is just fuck around like a kid who only thinks of what adventure we will do next.

At this point, I'll just have to give up in pursuing my own happiness―or more like, hoping my own happiness to come someday. It's just becoming a big waste of time.