After Action [COMPLETED]

[GR] "WISHFUL THINKING"

Written 13 September 2019

I wish I can capture the feeling of writing that first novel again―without care, without worry.Right now, I don't feel like I want to write the "second" novel, especially when no one's expecting me to write anything. I just wanted to think that opening liner from that song by Quincy Jones and James Ingram: "I did my best, but I think my best wasn't good enough . . ." Realistically speaking, though, I have done so little on promoting my stories I've written on Wattpad. And I don't think submitting the first story I've written to a well-known publisher, as part of their search for the next lineup of novels, would bear any fruit at all.

All of the research, the words I typed, the characters I've given form inside my head, the conversations―everything I've done for the past four years . . . were for naught.

Yet I'm still holding on to that hope―or illusion, so to speak.

I wonder if this "curse" will be lifted from me, somehow. If not, maybe I'll just end this stupid venture here, once and for all. I've . . . had enough. I don't care if MIDNIGHTGODDESS would end up getting pissed at me for not delivering on that "promise"―or maybe she'll never give a single fuck about it. Who am I to her, again? Oh, yeah―I'm just her so-called "shadow", who tags her on most of my shitposts on Twitter, just for the "fun" of it.