After Action [COMPLETED]

[SE] "MIDNIGHTGODDESS"

This is a two-part article, in relation to MIDNIGHTGODDESS, and her recent engagement with BIGGUY. At this point, you might think of me as being somewhat "obsessed" with her. Then again, I knew my limits.

Written 23 October 2019

Hmm. It seems that something good happened to MIDNIGHTGODDESS, as per the post I saw on my feed a few minutes ago. From what I can only speculate, she's engaged with her long-time partner, whom I can only refer to as the BIGGUY―yeah, I know it's a lame call sign. (And I'm not exaggerating―he's a few inches taller than the "shadow" managing this page, and much bulkier.) Meanwhile, this person's still stuck in a seemingly-inescapable limbo of broken hopes and dreams―and I might actually call this place "home". No matter: once I get my shit straight, I will―eventually―get what I want in life. Otherwise, I'll just (bad Russki accent, please) "burn the neighbor's barn", as an old Russian joke goes, especially since I am starting to live the Ogata Hyakunosuke life.

I might crash at their wedding, and celebrate―if ever possible. (But first, I'll create an entire network of informants and spies.)

Written 24 October 2019

I know this will creep the shit out of anyone, but I'll let this one off my chest, anyways: I actually want to attend MIDNIGHTGODDESS's wedding.

I know, I know―I'm not someone she knows on a personal level, and never will be. I just wanted to attend that wedding because I want to close a chapter in the life of this broken down "man"―that of a self-proclaimed "shadow". I can feel that, at some point in time, she will end up hating me for being a "creature of darkness" so vile, even the monsters inside her head will not dare oppose it―if ever I still continue to be that "shadow". I am on cordial terms with her on Twitter, and I want to keep it that way. I don't want a single fuck-up of mine to ruin her perception of me, now that I am starting to tread down the path of living the Ogata Hyakunosuke life more seriously. But that doesn't mean I will forget the respect I have for her; it's a singular truth that will not be erased for as long as I live. That, and my respect to the people who made possible the mānga and animé series 'Tamayura'.

I knew, a long time ago, that she is as unreachable as the stars dotting the night sky―that is I am not someone worthy of her friendship. And now that she is engaged to her longtime partner―if ever my earlier speculation was right―all this "shadow" can only do is congratulate her. She is about to enter a new phase in her life; maybe I should do that, as well. We may be treading down on opposite paths, but I think this delusion of mine―a delusion of friendship that started last year―was worth holding on to.

Time for me to move on.

Time for me to be my own dragon . . . after I slay "that" dragon.