After Action [COMPLETED]

[SE] "A SINGULAR REGRET"

Written 04 December 2019

I am trying my best to think of all the positive things . . . but at this point, it's just hard. Especially when I know I have that one regret I'll carry on until the final days of my so-called "existence".

And watching 'AnoHana'―on LUCIDDREAM's recommendation―has amplified that pang of regret.

I know you'll say, "But you've watched that weeks ago!?" Well, think about it: what's the most prominent genre in my already-limited list of animé I've watched? You've guessed it―"slice of life". And you want to know why I watch mostly slice-of-life animé? It has something to do with my biggest regret, which is not having a fun high school life, surrounded by what I can only call my "friends".

I know this will become another parrot cry of a rant, but I'll say it, anyways: I was bullied for most of my childhood (because of my childhood autism). I was also bullied on my teenage years. And I was so pissed and angry at the unfairness of the world, I actually "tried" to exact my "rightful vengeance" against those who have wronged me. That was where I totally fucked up. That was when I have devolved from being the "pride and joy" of my parents to becoming a "big disappointment". Sounds great, isn't it? It sounded really great, I just want to "get isekai'd"―or push that big red button to "reset" my whole life. Because, to be perfectly honest, this Internet "mercenary" has had enough.

I can only feel that my life is heading towards a dead end.