Ache and Hunger ~Complete~

Chapter 43: Open, Raw, and Ugly

A/N: I hope you all enjoy it! Please let me know in the comments! 

Alexis' Pov:

Baltazar left the table with the dirty dishes heading for the kitchen. I kept my eyes on Corciel as I waited for his answer. Luckily he didn't have me waiting for long.

Corciel sucked his teeth before he answered, "You already know the answer to that question, Doll."

I rolled my eyes as I said, "Right, the whole soulmate thing, that I don't really believe in."

Corciel sighed heavily as he rubbed his forehead then he spoke in a slow manner while clenching his jaw, "No, Alexis. The whole, all I've wanted for 22 years is you, thing. A guarded nature and overthinking mind won't deter me in any way from having what I want which is you".

He was saying the right things, not the things I wanted to hear, I threw more facts in his face. I threw my arms in the air in my frustration as I continued, "You keep saying that but all I can think of is, I will keep you for as long as I deem necessary. What happens when you change your mind?"

Corciel stared at me as if I suddenly grew a second head, his voice held astonishment as he said, "You can be really stupid sometimes, you know that?"

My eyes started to water as his words burned into my brain. It felt punishing, demeaning and foul, equal in my mind to him calling me a whore.

Great, both of my so-called soulmates think I'm stupid now. How long until my stupidity goes from amusing to annoying and they leave me?

"Don't call her stupid," Baltazar said in a calm tone as he returned to the table staring at Corciel then back to me.

Corciel turns to face Baltazar before he shouted his frustration as he gestures towards me, "What else am I supposed to call her when the answer is right in front of her face yet she still doesn't understand it?"

Reality crashed into me as my vision blurred with my coming tears. This wasn't going to work at all.

I'm the problem and I always will be. The tears started to leave stained trails on my face as I choked out, "I'm sorry."

I stood up quickly pushing my chair away as I tried to leave the room. I needed air, and somewhere quiet so I could cry my heart out without bothering anyone.

Five steps from the table are as far as I got before someone grabbed my hand. Sunlight wrapped around my skin like a security blanket, this feeling only cause more tears to pool in my eyes.

I groaned as I tried to pull my hand free, Baltazar called out in a plea, "My love, wait."

"Why should I?", I snapped angrily as I realized that they are just as 'stupid' as I am.

They think just because I'm their soulmate that I'm their best match or something. Maybe even that they have to be with me because fate or God said so.

I decided to really show them how wrong of a choice I am with this soulmate thing. I'll show them parts that I've never shown anyone in fear they'll leave.

They need to leave so I won't get hurt in the end and they can have better lives. It's a win-win for everyone.

I turned to face them both, not bothering to wipe my face clean as I poured out some of my ugly insecurities, "He's right I am stupid. And selfish and greedy and impatient and worthless. You both will see how unworthy I am, what a waste of space I am."

More tears fell as my throat and voice strained with emotion. I felt the walls I spent years building and reinforcing start to shake.

I raised my voice forcing the words out, "You'll decide it's better, easier to live without me, just like my mother. You'll leave me alone like I'm nothing!"