𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~The dark hour pt.1~

"How could you be so irresponsible with something like that?! Not only did you break school property but also something expensive?! Why were you so careless?! What did you even do?!" Mom screamed at me, we were currently in the living room. I was sitting on the couch while mom was pacing back and forth, screaming her head off at me while Harrison and my stepbrothers sat awkwardly on the other couch.

"I was going to put it away when I tripped, dropped it and it broke. It was old anyway mom, it was older than friggin Grandpa." I said, slumping back in my seat as I rolled my eyes. "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me young man! It is-"

"Disrespectful and you have taught me better than that, yeah mom, I know. But shit changes, look. I'll work it off okay? I'll do chores, clean shit do whatever the hell I'm told until it gets paid off okay?" I said, throwing my hands about as I spoke. Sometimes I speak with my hands, it's kinda fun to do, I don't know why but it is.

"You know what Cooper, I am so done with your attitude and your sarcasm! You have been so sour and spoilt lately and I'm sick of it! I don't care what you do but when I get back from this honey moon, you will be punished. Do you understand?" I sighed, nodding my head. "Can I go to my room now?"

"Fine, just go. Go to your room, I don't care anymore." Mom said, holding the bridge of her nose. I scoffed as I shook my head. "No one fucking cares." I muttered under my breath before standing up, instead of going to my room, I left the house.

I made my way to the graveyard, sitting down in front of two grave stones.

Jax Daniel Bryan
2004-2011
Beloved son, brother, nephew and grandchild. He will be forever loved.

Philip Nathan Bryan
1975-2011
Beloved son, father and husband.
He will be forever loved.

"I'm sorry... everything is my fault. I fuck everything up, I can never do anything right. I'm useless, pathetic, a waste of space and I know it. I don't know why I'm such a fuck up... maybe I was just destined to be... Cooper Finn Bryan; Fuck up of the Bryan family, a mistake on earth and a waste of space in this universe." I said, even my harsh words didn't effect me.

"I shouldn't hate mom... it's not my fault she's mad, I 'broke' the guitar and that's my fault. But I can't help my sarcasm and my attitude... she should know that... maybe she'd just be better off without me." I brushed my hand over my face, wiping my eyes to stop the tears that threatened to come.

I stood up, knowing I should go home and do the right thing, say sorry to mom. So that's what I did, made my way home to apologise.

I walked through the front door, closing it softly before going to find mom. I walked up to mom and Harrison's room. I went to knock on the door but stopped when I heard speaking.

"I just don't know what to do anymore Harry, he's becoming worse and worse as the days go by. Ever since we lost them, he just changed. He became a snobby, sarcastic and attitude filled teenager. I'm just- I'm losing hope. I just wish he was more like Jax."

Tears pricked my eyes as I threw the door open, making both mom and Harrison jump in fright. My eyes were narrowed as I stared at mom, my lip trembling as her words echoed in my mind. "I just wish he was more like Jax."

"You think I'm really that fucked up? That I'm just so imperfect you want me to be someone else? And more like Jax? Let me think about Jax... happy, joyful, caring, bubbly, oh and FUCKING DEAD!!" I shouted, tears falling down my face. "Cooper-"

"Don't 'Cooper' me! I get it mom, you don't like me! I'm just some broken kid that you have to put up with and I'm just a waste of your time! I get it! But you could at least hide that... at least try and put up with me... just go on your honeymoon, spend time with Harrison and it might do you some good, being away from me might be better." I said, my voice going lower as I spoke. I knew what I said was a bit harsh, but what she said was even worse.

My own mother can't stand me...

"Bye mom, I'll see you in a week." I said before turning around and making my way to my room. I slammed my door shut, slumping against it as I pulled at my hair, light sobs escaping my lips.

"Cooper, honey. I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything that I said! I was just stressed is all, please forgive me honey... I'll make it up to you when I get back, I promise." Mom said, after that, I heard her leave. I heard Blake, Xavier, James and Carlos say goodbye before the front door shut.

If she was really sorry, she would have stayed.

Tears fell down my face, my head ached from pulling at my hair so much. My throat was scratchy from crying, my chest closing up as I struggled to breath. Just from this I knew it was starting, the darkest hour.

I could feel him taking over, I could feel them taking over. Everything from the past two weeks was catching up to me, pulling me into the deep abyss with only one escape. An escape I hate yet crave so badly for. I could feel myself slipping further, my mind ruining itself with thoughts and dreams of something better... but it came with a sacrifice.

The escape became more vivid, my mind and body craving deeply for it. I tried to hold back but I couldn't, this is what they want... what I want. I crawled over to my drawers, unlocking the top one with the key I hide. I pulled the drawer open, rummaging through it until I found my salvation.

The switchblade.

~Sensitive content below~

I flipped the blade open, placing it on my wrist as my eyes blurred with tears. Normally, I would be straight at it, seeking my escape from the darkest hour, but instead I found myself hesitating. Is this really what you want? Pain? I asked myself, Yes! We need pain! Please! He begged, I was still hesitant.

That was until he reminded me... reminded me of the truth.

I dragged the blade across my skin, cutting the flesh open perfectly. Blood began to pool down my wrist, moistening my dry skin. With each cut, I craved the pain. Every new cut satisfied him, allowing me to escape his grasp. Four cuts, four cuts and he let me be.

~Sensitive content over~

I dropped the blade, tears still falling down my face as I milked up the pain, letting Diesel enjoy every last drop of it. I sat still, looking at the four new cuts on my arm. Something was different this time, usually I felt relieved after this, the dark hour would end...

But this time... it didn't...

The pain wasn't enough...