𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~"I decided to be nice... But once again it went unseen."~

C O O P E R
*A few weeks later*

Today was Xavier's birthday, it was also Saturday today. I had gotten him a present that he doesn't exactly deserve... last week, he broke his tv, he left it in the garage and I decided I'd fix it.

So here I was, setting it back up in his room while everyone was downstairs giving Xavier his presents. Oh! James and Carlos had flown in on Wednesday, I've spent a lot of time with James while he's been here, it will suck when he leaves.

I finished reconnecting the tv, a smile grew on my face as I admired my work. This had costed me about seven hundred bucks... but hey, I felt like being nice so I paid for it. Harrison, James, Carlos and Blake knew about this, they offered to help pay but I told them no.

I was waiting upstairs until Blake signaled me to come down, Zeke had stopped by to give Xavier his present. I guess I didn't need Blake to signal me since I heard Zeke leave. I made my way downstairs, a smile on my face as I couldn't wait to tell Xavier to come see his present.

"So what did Zeke get you?"

"I don't know, let me open it!" I heard the ripping of paper, then a gasp. I turned the corner to see Xavier holding a new flat screen tv, twice the size of his old one. I felt my smile drop as I looked at the tv... so my present was just a waste? Xavier looked up, seeing me standing there. "So, do I get a present?" He asked me kind of rudely, my heart stopped. "I-I-... No... sorry, I didn't have time to get you one..." I muttered.

Xavier rolled his eyes, scoffing as he looked back at his new tv. "Of course you didn't." I turned around, leaving the room as I felt myself become embarrassed, why? I don't know. I went out into the garden, sitting down in front of some of the Amaryllis flowers.

I heard someone come outside, or rather, a few people. Someone sat on either side of me, a hand was placed on my left shoulder, yet I stared at the Amaryllis. "Cooper?" Blake asked, "Are you okay?" I felt myself shake my head, tears brimming in my eyes. "He's been an absolute ass to me, he's pushed me around, put me down, treated me like shit... yet I didn't. I decided to be nice... But once again it went unseen," I said, letting a humorless laugh fall from my lips.

"The Amaryllis is a beautiful flower... it's made of two different species, did you know that? And they created... this! This beautiful thing..."

"Please don't try to avoid the subject Cooper..." James said, I shook my head at that. "That's the thing! I'm not trying, I'm successfully avoiding it! I'm just too good at it!" I said, I felt James wrap an arm around my shoulder. "You don't have to avoid it... we'll listen..." Blake said, tears brimmed my eyes as I felt my heart squeeze painfully, not used to this.

"I just- I don't get it... you guys like me, you've grown to like me, or at least put up with me... why doesn't Xavier? What's so horribly annoying about me that he just has to be mean all the time?" I asked, my voice brittle as I tried not to cry. Why am I even crying? It's just a stupid birthday present.

"One you wasted time for." I heard Diesel say in my head, I pushed him away as I brought my thoughts back to the flower. "It's beautiful... to perfect for this world..." I said, reaching out to softly brush the petals. "What other flowers do you like?"

"Stargazer lily's... they're beautiful too..."

"What about the roses and the lavenders in the garden?" Blake asked, I scoffed at that. "I hate roses."

"Why?"

"They're the perfect example of people... Beautiful on the outside, luring you in with their scent and their sight... but then when you touch them, all it brings you is pain. The thorns are the brutal truth, the rose head is the sugar sweet lies... just like a lot of people. Their beauty blinds you, or even the promises they make... it's blinds you and all you can focus on is what it shows you... not the heinous truth that are the thorns. You get drawn in, wishing to grasp onto what it offers, once you do, you see the truth... you feel the painful prick of the thorn."

What they didn't know was that when I spoke of that rose... I spoke of Felicity. "But Xavier... he isn't a rose... he's a fucking thorn bush. A pain in the ass from the start." I said, I heard Blake laugh but Carlos quickly shut him up. "Xavier is just a tough nut to crack... I promise he'll come around eventually." James said, pulling me into a hug. God I wish that was true.

The three of them stood up, Blake held his hand out. I took his hand as he helped pull me up, we made our way back inside. Xavier was sat inside with Mom and Harrison. I sat down between Blake and James as everyone started to talk about something, I'm not sure what, I had zoned out by now.

I don't honestly know what I was thinking about... I don't even know if I was thinking. My mind just raced through a thousand thoughts, all of them taking away my energy as I tried to sort through them.

I felt stuck, stuck in a void I've created, I'm stuck and I have no escape, because my thoughts are pulling me further in...

Yeah... that's what my mind is... a void, a bottomless pit, a black hole. There's no end to it, yet it's slowly filling up. My mind feels endless, yet it feels so full too. It's so confusing... I'm so confusing...

"You okay Cooper?" Mom asked, I nodded my head, sending her my fake smile. That's the funny thing too, nobody notices how sad I am, how alone I feel or how exhausted I am, all they see is the fake smile I wear.

It just proves to me that I'm far too hurt for anyone to want to care, I'm far too confusing for anyone to want to fix me, and I'm far to good at putting on a smile for anyone to notice the truth...

I guess that leaves me all alone...