𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~Depression with a side of Emptiness~

I woke up at 3 a.m. sharp. My mind was racing, and not in a good way. I could feel him... he was rushing around my mind, crashing into the sides of my skull. I could hear his voice, his shouts and his screams.

But then he hit... he broke away and left two... Depression and Emptiness... they are a package deal. I don't get Depression without having Emptiness on the sidelines, and when Emptiness is there, Depression is just waiting to strike.

They settled in, kicking their feet up as they began their mind tricks. My eyes began to feel heavy, I want to sleep but I know I can't. Besides, why would I want to wake up anyway? It's not like tomorrow will be the start of something new...

I laid down on my bed, my phone by my side as it played quiet music. I'm not generally an insomniac but when my depressive state hits, I can't sleep, not until I pass out that is.

Every song that played, the music went straight through my ear and out the other. It had no effect on me... I didn't relate to the words... I didn't feel anything.

After hours of lying around, my alarm finally went off. I shut it off, not feeling like going to school. I got up and went to the bathroom, maybe I can wash my sorrows away...

After a pointless twenty minute shower, I got out. I changed into yet another pair of sweatpants and an oversized Black fluffy hoodie. I walked back into my room and flopped down on my bed, right as I did my door flew open.

"Cooper, wake up dude, you have to get ready for school." Carlos called from the door, I shook my head as I looked up at the ceiling. "No, I feel sick. Can I stay home today?" Carlos walked over to me, giving me a look over before raising an eyebrow. "You don't look sick."

"I feel like throwing up. Can I please stay home?"

"Fine, but make sure you eat and drink, even if it's a small amount. And make sure you get rest okay?"

"I will." Carlos left the room, shutting the door behind me. I closed my eyes as I lay on the bed, hoping sleep would take me...

~~

I woke up at about 1 p.m, why should I bother getting up? What's the point? I'm not going to do anything today... or tomorrow... so why bother waking up at all?

Is it true that a lot of depressed people would drink beer? It gets them drunk and at that point they actually feel happy because of whatever the fuck is in the drink. Maybe that would help me... I wonder what I'm like drunk...

I'm still fucking useless either way...

I got up out of bed and made my way downstairs, I hadn't eaten in about 24 hours but I just didn't feel hungry... I don't want to eat, I don't want to be awake...

I don't want to be alive...

I walked over to the fridge, grabbing out the pack of beers Harrison had. I pulled one out and popped of the cap. I placed the bottle to my mouth, about to take a sip when I stopped.

Is this really good for me? Can't I get alcohol poisoning? Won't I get sick? Should I do this?

I stopped for a second before taking a large sip of the alcohol, it burned my throat as it fell down into my stomach. I didn't think beer did that? Oh well.

"It doesn't matter anyway."

Five bottles later and I feel like I'm on top of the world! I was currently bouncing on my bed as I played Markiplier and Jacksepticeye on my tv. Every little thing they said made me laugh, everything I did made me laugh.

"I like the pink ones, they are the best ones, but the white tastes better" I fell back on the bed, laughing my ass off for no real reason. I finished off the sixth bottle throwing it to the floor. "And he gets the goal!!" I shouted, bursting into a fit of laughter.

My door burst open, Carlos, James, Xavier and Blake stood at my door, eyes wide as they saw the mess. I jumped up on my bed. "WELCOME HOOOOOOOOME!!" I shouted at them, bursting into yet another fit of giggles as I landed back on the bed.

"What. The. FUCK?!?!" Carlos shouted, I covered my face with my hands as I giggled. "I'M ON TOP OF THE FUCKING WORLD!!" I shouted as I leapt from my bed, running past my step brothers and straight downstairs.

I tripped on my foot, causing me to land in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Me being drunk off my ass, I laughed it off. I ran into the kitchen, grabbing another beer bottle as I popped the lid open. I started drinking it before the bottle was ripped from my hands. "Hey!" I turned to see Felicity standing behind me, a worried look on her face.

"Felicity! I missed you soooooo much!! It's hard to sleeeeeep without you, I need youuuu in my aaaaarms!!" I said as I stumbled over to Felicity, wrapping my arms around her. She hesitantly wrapped her arms around me, placing the beer down on the table.

"Cooper... what happened?"

"The little black doggy came for a visit and now he's a big doggy." I said with a small giggle, a hiccup came from my mouth, causing me to giggle again.

"Cooper..." I took a step back and looked at Felicity, she had a sad sparkle in her eye, not the sparkle she usually had when she was happy. I took the time to look over her face... she was really pretty... even though she wasn't too happy, her eyes glowed with joy and happiness, hidden beneath the grey clouds of depression and anxiety. Her lips were a beautiful pink and looked really soft...

"You're really pretty Felicity... have I told you that?" I asked, feeling slightly sober now. I giggled as Felicity blushed, another hiccup fell from my mouth. "Y-you don't mean that... you're drunk..."

"Exactly sweetheart, I'm drunk as fuck and so my mouth has no filter. I say what ever I say and most of it is the truth. And you are really pretty Felicity, I really like you." I said with a boyish smile.

"Come on Cooper, lets get you upstairs okay?" Felicity said, pulling me upstairs. I started to chuckle as she pulled me along, past my shocked step brothers and up to my room. "Are we going to do the dirty? Dirty... that's a funny word... dirty, dir-ty! D-"

I went quiet as Felicity pushed me into my bedroom, shutting the door after she walked in. "Go sit on the bed please, Cooper."

"But I don't feel like sitting on the bed! I have so much energy! I want to run around!!" I shouted, a hiccup at the end of my sentence. Felicity walked over to me, placing her hands on the sides of my face.

At her touch, I suddenly felt sober. Everything from the alcohol disappeared in the blink of an eye, reality came flying at me like a bullet. My lip began to tremble as I stared at Felicity, a sympathetic smile on her face.

"I'll go get you some water... okay?" I nodded my head, I sat down on the bed as tears welled in my eyes. Felicity walked out of the room, leaving me by myself.

Everything hit me all at once, throwing me into the deep end and holding me under, drowning me in the truth. Tears fell down my face as sobs escaped my lips, I pulled at my hair as I could feel Emptiness and Depression ripping away the pieces of my mind, slowly pulling me into madness.