𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~Rage attack~

J A M E S

Soccer practice had just finished and we were our way home, dad had called to say that him and Grace would be home late so we would have to make ourselves dinner. We got some pizza on the way back, not feeling like cooking. Once we got back home, we went inside and straight to the living room to eat.

"Cooper! We brought dinner home! It's pizza!" I shouted, Xavier rolled his eyes. "He can make his own dinner, we bought this."

"Don't be rude Xavier, Cooper needs to eat too." I said, we all turned our heads as we heard a loud bang. I jumped out of my seat, racing up to Cooper's room. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I heard another bang followed by an angry scream, bang, bang, smash.

"Cooper! Open the door! Let me in!"

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!" He shouted back, I could hear the anger but I also heard pain and sadness. What is happening? The bangs kept sounding, a few smashes and then silence. Blake ran up the stairs, handing me a spare key. I fumbled to unlock the door, throwing it open to see Cooper standing by the wall, starting to try and patch up the numerous holes.

"What happened..." I asked, looking around the room in shock, there were holes in the walls, clothes all across the room, a chair in the corner. I looked back at Cooper as I heard him sniffle, I made my way over to him. Tears were streaming down his face, his eyes were staring at the wall as he tried to figure out how to plaster it. His knuckles were bruised and bloody, they almost looked raw.

"Cooper?" He looked up at me, putting on a smile. "Hey, sorry I uh... got kinda mad..." He whispered out, his voice scratchy and strained. I turned him so that he faced me, he looked down, as though he was ashamed. "Are you okay?" He looked up, a shocked look on his face. "Y-You aren't m-m-mad?" I shook my head, looking Cooper dead in the eye. "Are. You. Okay?" He nodded his head, turning to the bathroom. "I just need to patch up my knuckles."

I grabbed his shoulders, guiding him out of his room and downstairs. I sat him down on one of the couches before going to the bathroom and grabbing the med kit.

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C O O P E R

I sat down on the couch, I went to ask James to stay but he was already gone. I hung my head down, looking at my bruised knuckles. I'd never done something like that, I'd never acted out in pure rage, I always ended up crying or slitting my wrists... not trying to destroy my room.

I was well aware of Carlos, Xavier and Blake staring at me. I could almost feel Xavier judging me, I can't handle it. I looked up as James walked back in, holding the med kit. He sat down in front of me, looking at my knuckles.

I reached in front of him, grabbing the med kit and started to work on my knuckles myself. I cleaned the blood away, putting cream on the bruises before wrapping them up. I put the stuff back in the med kit, James still sat in front of me. "What happened Cooper..."

"I got a bit mad." I said, my throat aching as I spoke. I had screamed so much that I'm sure my throat might bleed if I screamed again. James took my hands in his, causing me to wince slightly. "Cooper... what's the truth?"

"I just got mad." I said, I heard Xavier groan, causing us all to turn to him. "Why can't you just tell him what made you fucking mad instead of wasting everyone's fucking time!" Xavier said to me, anger evident in his voice. I felt my head drop in shame again, tears welling in my eyes. "It's not that easy..."

"Fuck off it's not that easy!! You are sixteen fucking years old Cooper! Stop acting like a child and crying when someone gets mad at you!!" I felt a tear slip as I clenched my fists, I lifted my head up to look at Xavier. "You don't get it, I'm not being a baby. It's just- it's hard to explain! I can't just explain what makes me mad! I can't just explain why I cry when people shout! Something is wrong with me... I can't just explain it... it's not that easy." I stood up and walked away, making my way upstairs.

I went in my room, shutting the door. I went and sat on my bed, pulling out a picture of myself, Jax and dad. We were standing in front of the Christmas tree. Jax was sitting on dad's left shoulder, I sat on his right. We both had matching smiles, clothes and even hair. We looked like each other, we were basically the same person.

I heard a knock on my door, I looked over as it slowly opened. James walked in, shutting the door behind him as he sat down on my bed. I kept looking at the photo, feeling tears fall down my face. "How do you tell someone that you're not normal? That you don't think like anyone else? How do you just tell someone what you really feel?" I said, voicing my thoughts. James was quiet for a moment before he spoke up.

"Sometimes you can't, I know Xavier is quite rude, I also know that it will take a lot for him to ever understand what you're going through."

"That's the thing... no one will fully ever understand what I'm going through, not even Felicity... not even myself. It's like... it's like I know what's happening, what's going on but at the same time... I don't... I don't know what's happening, all I know is that I'm broken." I said with a small sarcastic laugh at the end.

"Sometimes, I just wonder if there's any way to fix... this... because if there was, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I want to be able to live a normal life, one where I can go through everyday with an actual smile, where I actually feel happy... But then again, sometimes I just want to sleep forever, but I always wake up in the end."

James crawled over to me, pulling me into a hug. I weakly laid my head on his chest, my eyes still focused on the photo. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I will always be here for you Cooper. I don't ever want you to feel alone, ever. Even if you just need someone to listen, I will listen. I wont ever leave you behind, because you're my brother."