𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~Family Barbecue Pt.2~

"The truth is... I don't not like you... I despise you Cooper, I wish you weren't here. You're just some stuck up, spoiled asshole who doesn't deserve anything he has! I hate the fact that you're apart of my family! You will never be my brother, you're just a piece of shit who doesn't deserve his life." He spat at me, I let a sarcastic laugh fall from my lips as I fought back tears.

"One day... that's all I ask... one day where you aren't some rude asshole to me!" I spat back, I picked up my phone before stomping back to the front of the house.

I sat back down in the middle of the road, it was getting dark now. I sat down, letting my tears silently fall. I was sitting outside for a while before I heard footsteps thundering towards me.

I kept looking forward, staring into nothing as Autumn and James sat down in front of me. They both had worried faces, James looked me in the eye. I gave him the fakest smile I could, not even bothering to try anymore. "Cooper..." I wrapped my arms around James, resting my head in his chest. He moved slightly, pulling me closer to him.

I silently cried into his shirt, my nails digging into my palms. I could feel Diesel crawling into my mind, instead of leaving Depression or maybe Loneliness, he stayed, giving me the full package.

My body started to shake, my head aching at the pain of Diesel clawing at the fragments of my mind. "I-I need m-m-my phone." I said, Autumn pulled it out of my pocket, handing it to me. I hit Felicity's contact, putting it to my ear as I waited for her to answer.

"Cooper? Hey what's up?"

"P-please just talk to m-me. I n-n-need to h-hear your v-v-voice!" I cried into the phone, all I wanted was to hear Felicity's voice, hear her tell me that I would be okay. "Cooper... it's going to be okay Cooper, everything's going to be fine. Are you at the family barbecue?"

"Y-Yeah, please just talk t-t-to me Felicity, I j-just need to hear y-your voice!" I said, a sob escaping my lips. "Everything's okay Cooper, I promise everything will be okay. When you get back, I'll come over if you want, or you can come over. Everything will be okay Cooper, I promise."

I smiled at the sound of her voice, her melodic voice running through my ears and straight to my heart. Just hearing her voice really helped. "Thanks Felicity, I'll call you when I get home, see what happens from there." I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Okay Cooper, try and have a good night."

"Bye Licity."

"Bye Cooper." I hung up the phone, placing it back in my pocket. I stood up, James and Autumn standing up too. Autumn hugged my waist, I ruffled her hair, smiling down at her. I looked up at James and sent him a reassuring smile. "Let's head back in, I don't want to ruin this for everyone." I said, started to head back.

Autumn held my hand as we walked back, she led me towards mom. Fuck. "Cooper? Honey where have you been? Have you been crying?" Mom asked, drawing nearly everyone's attention. Fucking perfect. "I hit my head on a tree, I went out to the street to just take a breather, I'm fine though." I said, sending her a fake smile, yet it fooled her completely.

"Are you sure honey? We can go home-"

"I'm fine, really! I don't want to ruin this for everyone, we are celebrating Blake's birthday, I'll manage."

~~

After three hours, we finally left. On the way back, I stayed quiet. Once we were home, I went straight to my room, locking the door.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, my head throbbing as Depression and Emptiness started pounding away in my mind.

Painful sobs escaped my lips as I pulled my hair, clenching my teeth as I tried to control myself. I crawled towards my bathroom, standing in front of the mirror as I picked up my switchblade.

~Sensitive content Below~

I flipped open the switchblade, dragging the freshly sharp blade across my skin. As my skin split open easily, I savoured the pain that came with it. One cut, two cuts. I didn't want to stop.

I could hear Depression and Emptiness laughing away in my mind, controlling me to milk more of the pain, to cut myself more.

Three cuts, four cuts, five cuts, six-

I stopped as I heard a knock at my door, bringing me back to reality. My arm started to ache in pain as blood dribbled down my arm and into the sink.

~Sensitive content Over~

"H-hang on!" I shouted, I threw the blade into the sink, flicking the water on. I quickly washed off the blade before sticking my arm under the water. I hissed in pain at the sting of the cold water on my arm.

I pulled out the med kit, quickly disinfecting and wrapping up my arm. I grabbed the blade, closing it and throwing it in one of the drawers. I put the med kit away before walking into my bedroom.

I pulled on some track pants and a hoodie, covering my bandaged arm. I pulled the hood up, hoping to cover my eyes. I went to the door, opening it to be met with Blake, Xavier standing behind him. "Yeah?" I asked, looking at Blake under the hood. "My shirt?"

"O-oh Yeah! Let me get that!" I said, spinning around and rushing into my room, picking up the shirt that had been discarded on the floor. I walked back to the door, handing the shirt to Blake. "Okay there, there's your shirt now go! I'm tired!" I said, trying to shut the door. Xavier our his foot in the way, preventing me from shutting the door.

"What is wrong with you!?"

"I'm just tired okay! Now lea-ve..." I gripped my head as I started to feel dizzy, I lost my footing as I crashed against my door, falling down to the floor. I let out a laugh, picking myself up and crawling into my bed. "Just shut the door on the way out..." I muttered, feeling my eyes getting heavy.

"Okaaaay...?" Blake said before shutting the door and leaving me to my peace. I felt tears well in my eyes as I clutched onto my pillow, pulling the blankets up to my neck.

I cried myself to sleep, like I've done before. Tonight would be bad, I knew that much. Diesel will visit, he'll haunt me in my dreams like he's done many times before.

I just wish he'd leave me alone, I wish everyone would just leave me alone...

We can't all get what we wish...