𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~Pretending nothings wrong~

C O O P E R

I was sitting on my bed, Damian had left an hour ago to go to bed. The house was quiet since everyone was asleep, I was having a cigarette.

I got changed, throwing on a black hoodie before climbing off of my balcony. Sorry mom, but I'm not staying put.

I climbed down the balcony, taking a puff of my cigarette as I adjusted my hood. I looked around before leaving, making my way down the seemingly quiet streets.

I came across a house, an old man lived here, all alone... he had hundreds of packets of cigarettes, just what I want. I made my way towards one of the windows, pulling out a lock pick and expertly opening it. I quietly climbed through, making my way into the living room.

The old man was passed out on the couch, from what I've learned, he stores them in his closet. I snuck through the house, finally finding his bedroom. I walked over to the closet, pulling it open to reveal it filled with cigarettes. "Jackpot." I whispered, I grabbed three packets, stuffing them into my pockets before pulling my bag off. I started shoving more in, a mischievous glint in my eyes.

Once I was satisfied, I closed my back and the closet, making my way back to the room I had entered in. Just as I was climbing onto the window, I knocked something, causing it to shatter. The old man shot awake, spinning towards me. "Hey!!" He shouted, I let out a curse as I jumped onto the window sill, leaping out and running as fast as I could.

"Rat scallion!" He shouted as I ran off into the distance, I let out a whoop at not getting caught. That was close...

I looked around, recognising the streets around me. I felt a frown cross over my face, my mood changing completely. This is Felicity's neighbourhood...

But instead of leaving, I found myself walking towards her house. None of the lights were on, so I knew they were all asleep.

I walked around the house, finding Felicity's window easily. I quickly popped it open, climbing up into it easily. I sat on the edge, my legs dangling inside of her warm room.

I climbed down, my feet softly touching the carpet. I pulled my hood down, letting my hair fall in front of my face. I looked around her room, my eyes landed on her desk.

I walked over, picking up some of the photos there. A lot of them were of her and her mom, some of nature and-

I picked up a photo of me, I was peacefully sleeping, my hair was all over the place but I some how managed to look sexy. I found myself smiling slightly, how many times as she taken a photo without me knowing?

I looked over at Felicity, she was sleeping peacefully. I scoffed at that, how can she sleep so easily when she knows she hurt me so bad? I guess she was faking everything... if she weren't, she'd of been acting different... I know she would've.

I put the picture back down, looking at the bracelets I had given back. My eyes caught sight of my grey hoodie, the one Felicity had worn that night. I stormed over, grabbing my hoodie before going to the window.

"Cooper?" I heard her angelic voice say, I felt my heart stop, a lump forming in my throat. I turned around slowly, my teary eyes catching hers.

I quickly came back to reality, realising where I was. I turned back, pushing the window further open before leaping out of it. I shut the window before sprinting down the street, not glancing back as I did.

I turned down my street, not slowing as I got to the house. I went back into the garden, climbing up onto my balcony and walking back into my room. I carefully shut the doors, slumping against them as I held my head in my hands, sobs threatening to escape me.

I pulled my bag off of my back, sliding it under my bed so it was hidden. I pulled the three out of my pocket, throwing two with my bag while taking a cigarette out and placing it between my lips.

I pulled out my lighter, letting the cigarette catch. I quickly put away the lighter as I took a drag of the cigarette. I walked back onto the balcony, climbing onto the roof. I hung one leg over the edge, the other up so I could rest my arm on it.

I took a large drag of the cigarette, finally letting the tears fall. I hate everything right now, I hate feeling alone, I hate feeling scared, I hate feeling like I'm worthless and I hate feeling like death will be better.

I hate having nightmares, I hate not being able to sleep, I hate not being happy and only feeling depressed or completely empty.

I hate my life.

I let the tears fall as I sat on the roof, letting the cigarette smoke surround me. I looked up at the moon, how full it was...

All I could think about was Felicity, I miss everything about her. I miss her smile, the way her teeth seemed to shine like in the movies. I miss her laugh, how beautiful it was. I miss hearing her voice, how angelic and soothing it was...

I miss having her beside me, playing with my hair or humming songs. I miss holding her tightly when I slept, feeling calm just having her in my arms. I miss her smell, that perfect mix of strawberries and lavender.

But what I miss most... what I miss most was the way she made me smile, the way she made me laugh. I miss how calm she made me, how she made me feel like I had a purpose... protecting her.

I miss the way she made me feel warm, my heart would thump a million miles when I was with her. I miss the butterflies in my stomach, the weakness in my knees whenever she'd kiss my cheek. I miss the blush that would crawl onto my face when I was teased about liking her.

I miss how happy she made me... how she filled that emptiness inside of me, she filled it with passion, a desire to actually live.

Felicity gave me purpose, she gave me a reason to walk up every morning, to hold on to what I have. She gave me a reason to keep fighting, to keep pushing myself to get on with life. She gave me a reason to try, to try and see the good in the bad...

Felicity was my reason to live...

I guess that's gone now...