𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~Masquerade ball Pt.2~

Loud, that's how I'd describe the masquerade party so far. Music was blasting through the place, literally shaking the walls. Felicity, Damian and I hung around the sides, not really wanting to be in the crowd.

As we were standing there, some girl came over to, saying she had been dragged here with her friend. We talked for a while, she seemed quite nice. My eyes started to itch from yesterday, I took my mask of to rub them. Once the girl saw my face, she gasped before quickly leaving and going back to the crowd.

A scowl settled over my face as I sat down in one of the seats, putting my mask back on. "Funny how people are glad to talk to me when they don't know it's me, but the second they know it's me. Bam! Gone." I said, picking up one of the small foods and eating it. Felicity sat down beside me, rubbing my back soothingly. "Eh, that girl seemed a bit of a bitch anyway, better off that she's gone." Damian said, trying to make me feel better.

I perked up a bit as I heard a song come on, You and Me by Lifehouse. I turned to Felicity with a small smile on my face. "May I have this dance?" I asked, holding my hand out. Felicity let out a giggle as she placed her hand in mine. As I led her to the dance floor, I looked back at Damian, he sent me a smirk and a wink, I just rolled my eyes at him but I had a smile nonetheless.

"What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time"

We began to dance to the music, my hands on Felicity's hips as hers hung around my neck. We swung back and forth, smiles wide as we enjoyed the music.

"'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right"

I spun Felicity around, her dress swirling around her as she let out a giggle. I loved this, it was just us, that's all I wanted.

"'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
And me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive"

As the music was ending, I pulled Felicity into a hug, spinning around so her feet left the ground. She let out a laugh as her arms wrapped around me, her head burying into the crook of my neck as though she was scared to look.

I gently put her down, leading her back over to where Damian was sitting. Once we got back, Damian stood up. "A word my friend?" He asked me, I looked at him weirdly. Before I could say anything, he grabbed my arm and yanked me away from Felicity. "Dude the fu-" Once again, before I could say anything, Damian's hand covered my mouth. "Dude! I saw Xavier and Zeke come in here, I don't know why the hell they came here but I have a bloody bad feeling so it might be best to keep that mask on, yeah?"

I stood frozen, Zeke was here? Shit, why? Is he looking for me? Does he know I'm here? Does Xavier know I'm here? God if they find me I'm screwed! I don't think I could handle another-

"Bloody hell I can see the gears turning in that head of yours, calm down mate, stop overthinking. We'll be okay, you'll be okay, if shit gets bad. We leave, no questions. Felicity and I don't want to see you hurt again." He said the last part sincerely, meaning what he said. I gave him a smile, letting him know I was calm again.

We made our way back over to Felicity, she was fixing her hair when she turned to us, a smile crossing over her face. "What did you guys talk about?"

"Guy stuff, really important." Damian said before I could answer, he sent me a wink, I just rolled my eyes. A song then came on, Felicity's eyes lit up and she looked at both of us. "Dance?" Damian looked at me, as though he was asking permission. I let out a chuckle as I nodded my head, Felicity smiled as she grabbed Damian's hand and dragged him away.

I took a seat, watching as they both danced silly, of course Damian would have agreed. Damian was the craziest out of us, we've learnt that, Felicity is the kind one and I'm the serious one.

I like it this way though, the only thing I'd change is... well, me. I'd change the fact that I'm suicidal, the fact that I have no fun and can barely take a joke. And honestly? I would make myself more like Jax, because Jax was always happy, he was laid back and chill. He didn't worry about what would happen tomorrow, or the day after that, he just lived while he could, he took any and every opportunity he could.

I always wanted to be like Jax, because he was likeable, funny, joyous and saw the good in everybody. He could light up a room with his signature smile and could make anyone feel better with one of his famous jokes.

Jax was who I wanted to be, and yet here I am, the complete opposite of what I had hoped to be. Instead of being happy, likeable, funny and joyous, I am depressed, annoying, boring and empty.

I watched as Felicity and Damian danced, I could imagine Jax dancing with them, doing stupid things that could make everyone laugh. I could imagine how he would be the life of the party, literally, he would be in the centre, making people laugh and smile with his carefree attitude.

I could imagine him having my back, telling Zeke to back off and leave me alone. I could imagine him telling me it would be okay, because as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered, that we would be okay. I could imagine him being there for me after a hard night, fixing up my arms when I was too tired to do so.

I felt a tear slide over my mask, crawling down my face till it fell, landing in my palm. I looked down at my hands, the sleeves of my jacket and shirt had crept up slightly, showing the many scars on each wrist.

I was the complete opposite of Jax loved the outside world, loved meeting new people but me? Well... I'm broken... and the world is still slowly tearing me apart. It probably won't be long until all that's left of me is a memory... that's all I'll be, a memory of people who even bother to remember me.

I saw Felicity and Damian coming back over, I quickly wiped my tears before standing up. "I'm getting a bit tired, could we go home?" Felicity asked, I nodded my head and pulled out my phone. "I'll text Harrison, let's go wait outside."

Felicity, Damian and I made our way outside as I sent Harrison a text. I checked the time, 10:47 p.m. wow, I thought we were only there for an hour...

As we were standing there waiting for Harrison, I felt Felicity lift up my arm, placing it around her as she snuggled into me. "You could have just said if you wanted a hug princess." I said with a chuckle, Felicity hit me in the stomach but stayed by my side.

I wonder what the holidays will bring...