𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~Pity~

It was currently lunch, Amelia was sitting with us. I stayed quiet as Damian made conversation with her, I wasn't going to talk to her unless necessary, I'm not going through all that bullshit again...

I looked up, seeing Felicity glaring at Amelia with hatred and also a hint of hurt, what's up with her. I tapped Damian's shoulder, he stopped talking to Amelia as he turned to look at me. I pointed to Felicity, who still didn't notice us looking at her. "Wonder what her deal is..."

"Probably just being a bitch." Damian said, I felt anger build as I turned my glare to Damian. "Don't you dare call her a bitch!" I growled out through clenched teeth, Damian snapped his head back to me, looking at me as if I was crazy. "Are you serious?!"

"Yes! I am dead fucking serious!" I said back, Damian slammed his hands on the table as he stood up, glaring harshly at me. "That bitch hurt you and you're telling me not to call her a bitch?!" He shouted, by now he had caught the attention of the whole cafeteria. "Yes!! That's exactly what I'm saying! I don't give a shit what she did!! Don't you ever call her a bitch or I swear to god I will fucking hurt you!!" I shouted back, by now my anger was at it's peak.

"She hurt you, she ruined you and she lied to you!! Why?! Why do you insist on still hanging onto her?!"

"She's the best thing that happened to me!! You damn well know that!!"

"Well clearly she broke more than your heart if you're so fucking stupid to stand up for her sorry ass! At first I felt sorry for you!! I was ready to be there as a friend for you and yet you're stupid enough to hold onto her!! HOW FUCKING STUPID AND PATHETIC CAN YOU BE?!?!" He covered his mouth, his eyes widening as he heard what he said. "Cooper-"

"Save it. I understand now... pity... all I ever get from people. I hope you're fucking happy Zeke. I guess you were right aye?" I said, not bothering to hide the tears in my eyes, I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder as I wiped away the tears.

"Have fun with your new friend." I growled as I pushed past Damian, knocking his shoulder as I stormed past him, leaving the cafeteria without looking back. I went straight to the bathrooms, locking myself in a stall as I started to silently sob.

Sam was right, Zeke was right. Even the guy I thought was my best friend, thought I was pathetic. No one wants me, no one likes me, no one cares about me. All anyone every feels is pity, never sympathy, no, just good ol' fucking pity.

I don't know how long I was there for, the bell finally rang. I blinked my eyes a few times, wiping away the tears, blowing my nose before going to the sink and splashing cold water in my face. I waited a few minutes before walking out of the bathroom like I hadn't just been sobbing my eyes out.

I put both of my headphones in, making my way to my next class, English. I sat at the back of the class, blasting my music as the teacher handed out our tasks. Some assignment about reading a book then writing about it, blah blah blah. I turned my music up to full volume, not caring if it made me deaf. I lifted my hood up as I placed my head on the desk, letting the music drown me.

I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times I've lied
(So many times I've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

(This animal, this animal, this animal
This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

I peacefully listened to my music, feeling tears well in my eyes. I shook my head, no, no more crying. I lifted my head up, only now did I notice that Damian wasn't in class... oh well, it's not my problem anymore.

After English was over, I went to music. They teacher asked us to do band research, so that's what I did, I decided to do Three days Grace. So what do I do? Blast their music of course!

~~

I made my way home, tears threatening to fall as I tried to hold them in till I got back home, where no one could see me cry. I walked in the front of the house, slamming the door shut as I broke down there. A thousand sobs escaping my trembling lips as my body shuddered, my fingers scratching at my skin as I squeezed my eyes shut.

This was so fucked up!! I hate this!! All of it!! Both of the people who thought they were my friends hate me!! "THIS IS SO FUCKED!!!" I screamed, breaking into another fit of sobs and endless tears.

I just want my good life back!! I want Felicity back, I want to hold her tightly in my arms, to afraid to let go. I want Damian back, to hear him make stupid jokes and laugh at the stupidest things!! But I fucked up, I fucked up so bad!! They're both gone and it's all my fucking fault!!

I crawled my way into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge and grabbing out a beer bottle. This is what it has come to, me sitting in the kitchen sobbing my eyes out as I drown my pain in alcohol.

One beer won't hurt...