starstruck - lrh

twenty-three.

I contemplated changing out of his sweatshirt, I really did.

    However, the effort that that required was less enticing than just admitting to him that I haven't been able to take it off.

A part of me wants to believe that he'd rather me be wearing it, as opposed to just tossing it in some corner to never be seen again.

    At least he knows that I've actually been wearing this sweatshirt and it's not like it's remained untouched.

    Now that I think about it, I really didn't put much effort into my look even though I have company coming over. As I got ready for his arrival, I felt obligated to put on makeup or make myself look presentable in the slightest. However, I managed to convince myself otherwise as I don't know how long he plans on staying so I don't want to put on makeup just for him to maybe be here for five minutes.

    I try to shake out the thoughts of my physical appearance as it's almost eight p.m. and I assume he probably didn't feel much of a need to put effort into his look either.

Nerves take over me as I sit close to the door and wait for him to get here. He didn't give me much information on when he plans on getting here but I assume it'd be sometime soon

    The thought of him being here, alone, without any of the other guys here is mildly terrifying to me. Will it be weird just the two of us?

Then again, we have hung out one on one but there were always people close by. It's never been just the two of us ultimately alone.

    Shut up Haven, who cares?

He's proved himself to be nothing but easy to talk to and an enjoyable presence to be around. Every time you've been around him, you've felt at complete ease and as if you've known one another for forever now.

But why does tonight feel different?

Feeling frustration at my thoughts that challenge me and refuse to relax me, I try to clear my head and focus on absolutely anything else. Why am I overthinking this so much?

    All he's doing is coming over to get my opinion on something and here I am acting as if he's about to come over and ask me the most important thing in the world.

    How does he have the capability of making me feel so nervous?

    It terrifies me as I hardly know how to make sense of it but I'd like to blame it on the fact that he's so captivating in everything he does. Every time he's in the room, I just want to look at him. Every time he talks, I just want to listen to him. Everytime he locks eyes with me, I want to beg him to never look away.

    Everything he does always captures my attention fully.

    Resting my elbows on the counter top, I place my hands over my face as I can't believe I'm acting this way over someone I met two weeks ago. How is it that he stepped into my life and seemed to be exactly what I needed during everything that's going on right now?

    With everything that's happened, he's proved to be there beside me to help me tackle it all and I couldn't ask for that from anyone. How is he so willing to take on my own problems as if they're his own and help me conquer them?

    Is this the pat on my back I've been waiting for for 22 years?

    My thoughts are quickly interrupted as I hear the sound of someone knocking on my door making me shoot up immediately from my current position. I'm well aware of who it is and that's the reason for my urgency as I hurry to the door and my heart races erratically in anticipation of his presence.