starstruck - lrh

eighty-one.

 "God, I'm nervous."

"Well if it means anything, you look great."

I give Aspen a look considering we both know that's the least of my concerns. My number one concern is the fact that I'm about to be on this huge interview pouring out my heart and soul to the world.

I'm about to come clean.

"Just think about how good it's going to feel," Aspen assures me. "You only have to do it once and then you can move on with your life."

Will I really be able to just move on with my life? I guess only time will tell as we'll see how everyone is going to react to me bearing my personal life to the public for the first time ever.

Hell, a lot of the people closest to me are going to learn things about me they never knew. Including Aspen.

"Yeah, but it's Ryan Seacrest," she says. "I feel like he's the easiest person to talk to about all of this and will make it as smooth as possible for you."

I let out a sigh, knowing she's right considering we weighed out our options for hours before settling on an interview with Ryan Seacrest. In fact, my dad was the one who actually encouraged it considering I gave him a call in order for him to weigh in his opinion.

Due to the fact that Ryan interviews mostly artists on his radio show, my dad has been around him many times and says he's about as genuine as genuine gets. He insisted that I would feel the most comfortable around Ryan Seacrest doing the interview.

"I just hope I don't freeze up or say something dumb."

I've been running through my head what exactly I want to say and I am prepared to be an open book. I'm ready to walk in and tell my story and share with the world why I've made the actions I have. More importantly, why I felt like I had to do things that ultimately ruined their opinions of me.

I feel like I owe it to myself to finally speak up with this so I can go about my life in a way that feels genuine. I'll finally feel as if I'm being authentic to myself and will carry on in a completely new way.

I especially want to have this talk so I can figure out where Luke and I truly stand with one another. After all, it's incredibly evident that our feelings for one another are incredibly real and stronger than most. I just want the confidence that I can move forward with him with the approval of everyone in his life.

I want his family and his friends to love me for who I am.

I haven't had the chance to talk to Luke as I really want to get this interview over with before attempting to heal things between the two of us. I'm certain that he'd be okay with things going back to right where they are but I feel as if the two of us need to have conversations with people in his life that he cares about the most.

I want them to hear from me that they don't need to question me and they don't need to compare me to his ex-girlfriend. I'm not anything like her and I never will be.

Luke tried to call me once but I didn't answer so I figured he assumed I didn't want to talk to him. This is definitely not the case as I do want to talk to him... just not yet. He deserves all of me and I fear I won't be able to give that until all of this is off my shoulders.

"I don't really think you can mess this up. It's just going to be a real, genuine, raw interview about the horrifying things you've gone through," Aspen says, her tone sympathetic. "If you mess up or trip over your words, no one is going to blame it on you. What you're doing is so incredible."

I try to soak in her words and tell myself that she's right. After all, I know I'm doing a good thing and I can't let nerves take over me. What I'm about to do is overdue and I need to do it for not only me, but for the hundreds or thousands of people who are in the same shoes.