Three years have passed and I can still remember everything on the day of Attorney's wedding. From the day I cried in fear because I know for myself I fucked up.
Sixteen lang ako noon, takot ako sa mundong kinagagalawan ko. Takot ako sa life long commitment. So I made mistakes which led me to my present life.
Ate Belle was mad at me, she screamed of how careless I become when I started in the university. Lahat sinisi niya, even Karlos. Especially my mom.
"You stupid! Bakit ka nag boboyfriend?!"
"Ang tanga tanga mo, Sadie!"
"You'll get pregnant in no time! You'll crush your dreams with that boy Metante!"
Andami niyang binatong salita noon sa akin, she doesn't trust me and I broke it more. Gusto ko lang naman maging okay kami.
I broke everyone's heart and expectations. Kuya Ace became distant dahil hindi ko daw siya pinagkatiwalaan ng mga sikreto ko.
For weeks, I mourned. I wasn't myself for months, struggling to keep my dreams intact while doing my responsibility with Vaughn.
I pretended to love him for the first year. Gulat na gulat pa siya noon nang puntahan ko siya sa Letran at sabihing sinasagot ko na siya.
He hugged me tight and kissed both of my cheeks. Tuwang tuwa siya and he promised me that he'll never break my trust.
When we had our first anniversary, sa condo lang kami naghanda together with Mama. He was sweet to us, palagi niya akong inaalagaan kapag may sakit ako. In return, I help him with his studies.
I also turned seventeen bago kami mag first year anniversary. Our friends came over to celebrate, tuwang tuwa pa sila dahil finally nagkaroon ng chance si Vaughn.
Madami din akong subject sa first year term ko sa UST. Imagine juggling Architectural Design and Architectural Graphics, Manual Visual Technique then Theory of Architecture tapos may History of Architecture pa.
Mayroon ding Solid Mensuration at NSTP 1, PE, Christian Vision of the Human Person
and lastly, Understanding the Self.
At para sa first semester lang iyan ng first year ko. Imagine the workload dahil susulpot pa ang math subjects the following semesters.
My relationship to my brothers became awkward. Hindi ko na sila gaanong nakakasama, tuwing weekends ay busy din sila.
Kapag nag kakaayaan lang ng dinner, sumasama ako. But that's it. Minimal ang usapan sa hapag kapag nandoon ako.
It was like I am trying hard to be with them. Habang tumatagal ay lumalaki ang gap nila sa akin.
Galit na galit si Ate Belle sa akin dahil alam niya daw ang lukso ng dugo ng mga lalaki tulad ni Vaughn.
At hindi siya nagkamali doon.
On our second anniversary, nag eighteen na ako noon. I cried dahil at last, the ten million peso is in my account. Mas nakaluwag kami ni Mama, nabibilhan ko na siya ng mga damit at nakapunta din kaming Palawan kasama si Vaughn ng summer na iyon.
Second year na din kami ni Karlos noon and something changed about him. Nagpapabango na siya ng pang lalaki, nag susuot na siya ng monotone na kulay at palagi na siyang naka sumbrero.
Unti unti ay nagbabago ang pananalita niya. Wala na ang tawagan naming bakla at girl. Unti unti ay nagiging iba ang ngiti niya sa akin, hindi na iyong malandi. Makisig na siya g ngumiti.
"Sadie." Sabi sa akin ni Karlos one time noong second year kami. "Akin na ang mga dala mo, masyadong mabigat."
Kumunot ang noo ko sakanya, talagang gentleman siya noon pa man pero bago itong nakikita ko.
BINABASA MO ANG
SAUDADE: A Warrior In Every Inch
AcakSeñorita. No, that's not a title, pangalan ko iyon. It was just an ordinary day, I woke up and went to my graduation and delivered my valedictory speech. But coming down the stage was the biggest plot twist in my life. I am not just an ordinary girl...
