Not What You Read In Books

26. Awakening and Self Revelations

They say that one person changes and alters your life forever.

Some say that person is their parents.

Their children.

Their friends.

I say the person who altered and changed my life the most is Edward. I entered the room slowly again, sometimes I prayed that it would be someone else behind the door and that Edward is at home safe in our bed. But once again God (if there is even one) eludes me.

Esme offered to watch the babies while I stayed with Edward; she did his one because she loves her Gran kids and two because she needed something to keep her mind off of her son.

I shut the door behind me and turned to see Jasper standing beside the bed.

"Hey Jazz." I said walking into the room.

Don't get me wrong Jasper was great, he was good to Alice, he played with the kids, but he and I never really talked. He was fairly quiet and reserved. Where when with a group of people I knew I tended not to be.

"Hey Bella." He said turning and smiling at me weakly. "How's he doing?"

"I wish I knew." I said looking down at my feet.

"The tests aren't back yet?" he asked looking perplexed.

"No," I said shaking my head "Or they are but they're just not telling me."

"I wouldn't put that past these guys." Jasper said "They wouldn't tell Edward anything when you were here having Annabelle, he followed Max and Carlisle around like a lost puppy trying to make sense of the medical mumbo jumbo they were listing off to each other. I think he both a medical to English dictionary." He said a brief smile crossed his face.

"Yeah?" I asked sitting down in the other chair.

"He's loyal if nothing else." Jasper said, before putting his face in his hands. "I feel like such a pratt."

"Why?" I asked. I would prefer talking about anything else but our lack of knowledge when it came to Edward's outcome.

"I have been such a bad friend to him for the past year or so. When all he could think about was you; I told him to forget you. When he slept with you; I encouraged him not to tell you. When he found out about the baby; I told him he should get out quick. Luckily he never listens to me." Jasper said.

"I wish he had." I said quietly not trusting my voice.

"Huh?" Jasper asked, his head snapping up. "Why would you say that?"

"The pain I've put him through. Had I not left that time he wouldn't have fought with you and Alice, he wouldn't have become suicidal. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't have gotten stabbed!" I said my resolve breaking.

Jasper being the psychiatrist can spot a panic attack from a mile away. He jumped up from his chair and came towards me.

"Bella this isn't your fault. You didn't put the knife in Blake's hand. You didn't make him stab Edward." Jasper said before coaching me to breathe properly. "It wasn't your fault. You have no idea how happy you have made him Bella."

"Yeah a ventilator screams happiness." I said through a bout of tears.

"Bella I have never seen Edward smile so much than in the last year or so. Every time he sees you or someone mentions you he lights up because then he gets to talk about you. Those kids make him so happy. I was in the office with him a couple of weeks ago and Mrs. Cope was threatening to take his picture of you and the kids off his desk because he kept getting distracted. Never say you wish he listened to me because it was the best thing he ever did."