Falling For Boys In Blue

Chapter 116

*two weeks later*
Christians pov

In a little over two weeks I was proposing. In two weeks my life would change forever. I'd be with my best friend for the rest of our lives. I was scared, I had every right I was proposing to her. What if there was something inside her that still didn't completely want this? And I mean, I wasn't being completely honest with her. She still doesn't know about the drinking I did or that I lived with Cam literally until the day she texted me again. I just didn't wanna scare her with any of it.

She was out shopping with a friend from college today, so I was alone. I had read just about all of her letters minus a few. I never planned on reading the 'if you have a doubt about this' letter. I sat there and held it in my hands for a while. It's not that I'm doubting this, I just wanna know what she said in it.

"One, I love you. Two, take a deep breath. Three, everything's going to be okay babe. Whatever's going through your mind right now is just trying to scare you and play games with you. Everything's gonna be okay, I promise. I know this whole long distance thing is terrifying, believe me I'm scared too. But it's us. Look at how good we fixed us. And why? Because now we talk to each other about what we're feeling and what's going on. That's all you gotta do babe, you just gotta talk to me. I promise you it'll be okay. Whatever it is, whatever you're thinking, I'm not gonna be mad. Call me and let's just talk. Let's talk this thing through. Chances are, I might be doubting some of this too, who knows. But I can promise you one thing, there's no one more I love than you. I don't know when you're opening this, if even, but, I've known I was going to marry you since the first date. It wasn't just because you're you, it's because you saw me as me and no one has before like you do. Yes we've had our moments, but there was never a time when I didn't think you'd be the one. Even when I hated you, even when I was with Jacob I knew somewhere deep down we were endgame, somehow. And we will be. Chances are if you haven't proposed to me by the end of twenty two I'm doing it cause HEY IDIOT WE LOVE EACH OTHER! I love you. You love me. We love each other an ungodly amount. We got this. I know we do. Call me. I love you. ~ Kaitlyn"

I put the letter away and wiped my tears. She's wanted to marry me just as long as I have her. Even when she hated me most she still wanted to marry me. I just, had to be honest with her.

Those four months without her were terrifying. Looking back I don't know how I survived. I don't understand why someone didn't punch me everyday I walked into that clubhouse. Why she didn't post what I did because she had the proof. Quite frankly I didn't give a shit about baseball anymore. I drank to the point I couldn't feel anything just so I could feel better, feel alive, and daily. I didn't know who I was during any of it, but I know I wasn't Christian Yelich.

~flashback~
Mid May 2020

I sat there staring out at the city, feeling guilty. I got up and walked out on the balcony and leaned on the railing. The brisk air hit my skin and I shivered. I looked a few doors down and saw Kaitlyns light shining out, she was still up. I set my head in my hands as the tears filled my eyes.

"Chris?" I hated when people called me that. "Baby why are you out here?"

"You have you leave."

"What? Baby,"

"I'm not your baby. You need to go."

"C'mon baby just,"

"Stop calling me that. Grab your shit and go. You need to leave."

"I mean okay sure."

I walked past her and waited in the living room. I paced the floor as the panic and realization of what happened set in.

"What the fuck did I just do."

She walked down the hall and I got the door.

"Well bye I guess."