Falling For Boys In Blue

Chapter 77

*two days later, Friday*
Kaitlyns pov

Will and I just dropped Hailie off at the airport. He wanted to say goodbye to her too. He met us there, so I didn't have to take him home. Once we separated I headed right for Thousand Oaks.

I was sitting in my car outside Alecias house waiting to knock. I was scared. The advice I needed involved her son, I had no idea what was about to happen. I got out and walked up, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"KAITLYN! Oh dear how are you?" Alecia said as she pulled me into a hug. I missed her hugs. I needed this hug. I needed a mom hug.

"I wish I could give you a straight answer."

"Oh honey, come in come in. I'd offer a Cooper hug but Christian has him for the week. He's bringing him back on Thanksgiving."

"That's okay, I saw him a few weeks ago."

"Yeah Christian mentioned that. You two seem to be getting along now that's good."

"Yeah we really are."

"That's great. You want to sit inside or outside?"

"Outside would be amazing, I've been in a car for two hours almost."

"Understandable."

We just caught up and talked about everything, it had been so long.

"Yeah Coop can be a handful sometimes but we love him." She laughed and then paused. "So what did you want to talk about honey. You said you needed a mom talk. What's going on, I'm all ears."

I took a deep breath. Here we go.

"Okay. Um, it's kind of a mess and I don't even know how to feel about anything and it's a lot so bare with me I guess?"

"Take your time."

"So this is definitely going to be weird and I completely understand that so it's okay if you don't want to give input. I just need someone to at least listen to me."

"Anything sweetie."

"I don't know if I can look at you when I say this." I turned and looked out at the water. It reminded me of Christians place. My eyes filled with tears as she grabbed my hand.

"What is it?"

"For the past like, two months I've been having this feeling. I don't know what it is. But it only happens when I think about one person."

"Is it Jacob?" I turned and looked at her. "Christian told me when you guys got together. And when you broke up."

"I kind of expected that." I softly chuckled and looked back to the water. "And, no. It's not Jacob. But it did start happening when I was with him. I didn't know what it was, I still really don't I guess. But this guy, whenever we'd talk or I'd think about him or we'd touch in someway, it would happen."

"Is it a good or bad feeling?"

"It's a good one. Well, I think. So I used to date him, we didn't talk for a while until recently. He basically broke my trust and we had a bad breakup. But now, despite everything that happened between us I think I still have feelings for him. We didn't have the best relationship all the time, but god did I love him. I loved him so much. It's like my mind is telling me 'no don't do it don't go back to him remember what he did to you' and then my heart is saying 'but remember how happy you were with him, how much you loved him, how even at the bad points he was the one you wanted to go to.' And I'm just conflicted on what to do, what to listen to."

"Kaitlyn," I looked at her and her eyes softened. "It's Christian, isn't it?" A tear rolled down my cheek as I nodded my head. "Oh honey."

"He shattered me into a million pieces but there's nothing more I want than to give us a second shot. It's like part of me is saying 'yes do it you'll never know what would've happened otherwise, maybe he's grown from it.' And another part is saying 'would it even be worth it since you'll be in separate cities?' And then another part is saying 'no idiot he cheated on you what the hell are you thinking.' But then there's a part that's saying 'who gives a shit if you'll be in different cities you truly loved him go for it.' But I don't even know if it's what I'm feeling or if it's just a hey you're lonely and want someone thing."

"I'm gonna ask you some questions, answer them without thinking." She said wiping a tear off my cheek.

"Okay."

"When you were with Christian how did you feel?"

"Beyond happy."

"Did you love Christian?"

"Extremely."

"If he didn't cheat would you still be together?"

"Probably. I think I'd still be working in Milwaukee too."

"Do you want to date Christian?"

"Obviously I do." I looked at her. "HOW DID YOU,"

"It's a mom thing." I stared at the table. "When you don't think about things and rapid answer questions you get the real answers. Not drawn out ones."

"Oh my god."

"Of course listen to yourself most, but you know what we'd all say."

"I know."

"And, I can tell you one thing. He's definitely grown from it. He regrets it everyday. He knows how badly he messed up. The first time he came here after the season ended he just hugged me and cried into my shoulder and kept saying how badly he messed up. How badly he felt. How much he just wanted to apologize for everything to everyone and to fix things. How much he still loved you. We talk almost everyday and he brings you up often. I know my son, he still has those feelings for you. I'm not guaranteeing anything but if you went to him and told him these things, you'd find a way to figure it out together. Not to mention you're wearing his sweatshirt right now."

"What?" I looked down and my eyes widened. "I didn't even realize that oh my god. I just grabbed a hoodie from my drawer."

"You never got rid of it though, that's the thing being pointed out here."

"Yeah. I uh kept this and a t-shirt. I turned the shirt into a crop top a while ago. I wore it at Cody's Friendsgiving party and then Christian showed up and we joked about it. He doesn't know about the hoodie though."

"He probably didn't even notice it's gone."

"Who knows."

"Well, I think you guys should talk about it. See what happens. You'll never know if you don't try."

I sat there and looked back at the water again. I thought about us. I thought about how I was happy, even when things were wrong. I thought about how I just wanted to be around him all the time. How I just wanted him. I had to get him back.