NUR DIE SGE

Still Sunny (Niko/Fredi)

Still sunny

Niko hardly swallows when he hears the final whistle, his eyes are fixed on the giant screen of the Istanbul stadium, on the score, on what he could have lived. Bayern have just won the Champions League. And he's in the audience. Fucking irony. Fredi brought him here to change his mind, to save him from his dark thoughts, it works a lot, now instead of wanting to die he wants to cry. He watched everything from the stands, like a simple spectator, when he could have been an actor of this event, be the person in charge, the trigger of all that. He was robbed by fate. Niko wouldn't say he deserved it, but he contributed to it, gave it days, nights. He deserves better, for sure. Maybe not the trophy, because Hansi also gave a lot, but at least a little recognition, respect. As if he will never have it in this corner of Bavaria... His throat is compressed by remorse, regrets, what he should have said, not said, what he should have done, not done. Everything is too late now, he has missed his chance to get a minimum of gratitude.

His eyes stay on the field, they look at his former players, his mouth is dry, everything he could have done... Niko deserves nothing of what they have today. He missed his chance, that's all. He doesn't have to cry about it, he's no longer concerned. He must look to the future, leave the past behind. And if he wants to cry ?! If he doesn't want to turn the page and continue to regret everything, continue to suffer at night by seeing shame in everyone's eyes ?! If he wants to remember the shootings of supporters at the basketball game, all against him ?! What if he wants to remember the other two times when security didn't do its job and let fans pass by ?! What could have happened ?! He could have been injured, killed, but it didn't bother anyone! That's the truth, he was Bayern's stopgap, plan C, a failure to forget to remember the victories more easily! Or even better, the mistake not to be repeated! What if he wants to be better than that ?!

Niko wants to snuggle up against Fredi, he doesn't care if he has to cry all night, he needs it, he doesn't want to be just... The system error. He keeps watching the celebrations for a few more minutes, it could have been him, if he had clung to an idealistic utopia. It's heartbreaking and a brutal truth, he may have had no place in this success. And yet he did his best... He returns to the hotel with the urge to vomit, Fredi can't do anything about it unfortunately. He's alone in an infernal spiral, hatred and grief colliding in his heart. He doesn't want to sleep, he doesn't feel the need for it yet. Niko finds himself in the hotel room bath, his chin on his knees together, he can't stop thinking about it, he is in a fog, lost between distress and despair.

The End