NUR DIE SGE

Maybe we took this too far (Jan/Kevin)

Maybe we took this too far

Jan has no problems with Freddy or Felix, which is why he thought he wouldn't have problems with Trapp. Bad pick, in addition to not liking him, he can't stand him. Beyond having to watch him make mistakes on the bench, to think of the place he could have had if he had never left the first time, Jan is tired of seeing him always so relaxed, as if everything was still going well, as if the only times he couldn't smile was when they took a goal. Trapp isn't a mystery to him, he's an open book where he can't understand what is written because his owner does nothing like him, where he learned in a certain way. A generation apart. Jan is no longer seeking to appreciate him, he has made efforts, but he has completely failed in his intentions. What completely killed his desire to celebrate with him after the games is obviously the sequence: 6-1 against Leverkusen (and therefore Lukas), defeat against Chelsea, and defeat against Mainz. Jan grew up near Frankfurt, so obviously he can't bear to see Mainz win. And yet Jan comforted him after Chelsea, because he couldn't leave him like that, desperate against the goal post after Hazard's success, he did his best.

But now that moment of affection between them has passed, and Jan still wants to see him go, but it's going to be complicated since Kevin signed a new five-year contract... So Jan is completely sure that he won't be able to play anymore only one Bundesliga match before... Never. At least in this situation, he can only share his experience with Freddy and Felix, the two little guys may have the chance to play before he retires. Jan is getting more and more tired of Trapp, seeing him get injured can only drive him crazy, how many times has he repeated to him with Moppes not to lean on his hand to fall back... He is aware that he will be the future goalkeeper coach, so he begins to take his role very seriously because his gloves will soon end up in a closet. Jan should go to Leverkusen to talk to Lukas about this, but they are more likely to end up drunk than to actually have a chat.

"Still injured?" Jan asks him by going to see him at his place to drop him the instructions of Moppes for his recovery, he's the one who has to struggle now that Freddy is No. 1 and Felix No. 2

"Still on the bench?" Jan will kill him.

"Fuck you Kevin."

"You see, I know you don't like me, it's so visible that even Moppes doesn't want to make us work together, whereas I have nothing against you Zimbo, I would have liked to bond with you, but you always preferred Hradecky or the others. Did you let them fuck you? Is that what I need so you can smile at me too?"

"We aren't friends Trapp, so don't even dare talk about those you don't know."

"Do you think I never discussed your behavior with Freddy or Felix? Do you think they also don't think you should be more friendly to me? Come on Jan, what's up with me?"

"We aren't the same Kevin, we will never be."

"And that's all ?! One day you hold me in your arms to comfort me and the other you glare at me to sink me ?! Do you think you're the only one hurt, Jan? Do you think you're the only one suffering from this? Where were you when I needed you ?!" Kevin gets up despite his hand in the plaster and faces him, his anger showing itself without difficulty on his face

"And you ?! Where were you when I was alone in Frankfurt, when I played and lost my first games?! When I had a tumor in the brain ?! Where have you been Kevin ?! In Paris having fun with people much more gifted than me ?! Do you think it's easy for me to stay in the same place with you without constantly underestimating myself? Do you think I like to hate you ?! I wish you never came back, that you never set foot near me..."Jan feels like he's going to cry, he hates getting upset because of that, he always puts himself in this state, his throat compressing around his vocal cords

"Why Jan? We could have been so much better together..." Kevin hardly takes him in his arms, whispering to him while trying to fill the few centimeters that differentiate them, Jan would like to tell him not to touch him, to let him go, but he doesn't find the strength, he may have finally found his way of redemption towards Trapp

"Because I love you Kevin..."

"Oh..."

"Oh? Seriously?"

"Don't get angry ! Let me understand, analyze the situation."

"I should leave..."

"No, we're going to talk about it, and you won't run away from your responsibilities."

"Run away from my responsibilities? You are the one who left Frankfurt for Paris."

"You also left as far as I know."

"Because I was the third goalkeeper, you had no excuses."

"So you watched me play?"

"I didn't say that..."

"You really did."

"I hate you Kevin..."

"I love you too Zimbo." And his lips rest on his, Jan trying to stay calm while his heart could escape his chest...

__________________________________________

(the sequel)

Jan can't believe he really stayed with Trapp, and they managed not to kill each other. He hadn't thought he could a few hours earlier, when he still hated him despite the love buried deep inside him, under a layer of resentment towards the youngest, and himself. They are kissing, it's strange to feel his lips on his, his hand still in good condition around his shoulders, it's so good to no longer feel a bitter anger in his throat, but a warmth sweet in his stomach. They can be anything. Jan takes a breath when he separates, that wasn't how he saw his trip to Trapp's place, it would be better if Moppes never learned it, neither Felix and Freddy. Kevin leans his head toward what seems to be his room, he obviously understands the implication, so he asks himself a lot of questions by following him mechanically. Is he only ready to be so close to Kevin? One step after another would be more effective so as not to ruin what they are trying to build...

"Stop asking yourself questions, I'm not going to hurt you if you don't want to sleep with me, I couldn't even, my hand would say no."

"No, I want to do it."

"I'm not forcing you Jan."

"Stop talking and hurry up, I'm not here forever."

"Eternity doesn't wait either."

"Kevin."

"Alright Alright..."

Kevin finds it difficult to take off his sweatpants because of his injured hand but eventually gets there, Jan doesn't really know how to do it, so he decides to take off all his clothes so as not to have problems with it, anyway, if he has to end up fighting with Trapp, he will at least have the advantage of being able to use his two arms. He climbs on the bed trying to keep his apprehension hidden under a mask of confidence, but only in his gestures, Kevin must have understood that he wasn't used to it. Jan finds it harder and harder to stay calm, between his bad memories earlier in the argument and the fact that he is about to sleep with his teammate. Kevin joins him, his boxer gone with the rest, Jan doesn't know what to do so he waits to understand exactly what is wanted from him for the moment. Kevin kisses him again, and from there he knows it's a good evening...

The End