NUR DIE SGE

We're Still Friends (Frederik/Jan)

We’re still friends

Frederik doesn't try to make a list of his favorite ones, but he knows very well that Jan is above everyone in his heart. The German was the first to help him acclimatize to Frankfurt, to the team. He's probably his best friend. Jan was also very supportive and he made the time on the bench fast, they forged this friendship on a solid basis, Felix adds himself to it from time to time, when the three of them can be together. When Freddy injured his knee, Zimbo was there to give him advice, to help him work out his physique so that he could escape this kind of inconvenience once again. Frederik can't really explain how he feels about the German, but he knows it's strong. He considers him his best friend in Frankfurt, he really cares about him, even though Jan is almost ten years older than him. He doesn't think he wants to let him down one day because of the way he likes to see him smile.

But from one day to another, everything fell apart. Jan became the goalkeeper coach, Moppes retired. Frederik shouldn't feel so impacted, but he knows he can't have the same relationship with him as he used to. He doesn't know how to go about it, they can't have that close friendship anymore, and Kevin is back from injury, he can't play anymore. Everything is getting worse. He doesn't want to get away from Jan, he appreciates him too much to want to separate from the bond that unites them, but he can no longer be totally his friend, he’s also his boss, his coach. He still has this desire to stay close to him, even if it will never be the same again.

With the global crisis and the pandemic, goalies can train in groups, alone, without the field team for a while. Freddy isn't quite sure if he wants to be alone with Jan or if he wants to stay with Kevin and Felix to prevent his best friend in the club from realizing that not everything has been completely fine since January, since he decided to hang up his gloves. If he stays with him too long, Frederik knows he might confess everything, whatever he once felt. He doesn't even know if it's a good thing for him, but Jan tries to spend more time with him during workouts, talking and joking to him while they warm up or while he’s doing some stretches or exercises, without the others. He appreciates this sudden renewed interest, this attention, all the kindness of Zimbo, but it's still too particular, if they are too close, there is this whole approach to working between them that collapses, while all is well for Trapp and Wiedwald. He loves Jan, but they can't be too close, otherwise they both risk forgetting that they are here to work, so as not to ruin their increasingly fragile working environment. Frederik's stomach torns when he thinks of Jan while he’s walking away from the others to come and see him, he never really knows how to behave, whether he must be distant or close...

And now they're in the weight room, there are only the goalies for this session, and Jan threw Kevin into David's arms, before giving a look he didn't need to interpret to Felix to send him the same message. Leave us alone . Frederik swallows the lump in his throat as he realizes that it's because they are more and more distant from each other that Jan comes to talk to him, he knows it's to try to revive the flame between them, to renew the link. Freddy just doesn't know if it's as easy as he could make him think standing in front of him, his sleeves rolled up to make him surely unwittingly see his tattoos. I love my family written in Latin, and a phoenix rising from the ashes on the other arm. The least he can say is that Jan has a sense of symbolism, even though he knows the second one is related to his tumor. He can read through his body language that he's not all that serene, even if he tries to make him believe everything is fine by putting things in their place when they didn't necessarily need to move. Frederik steps back from the treadmills to stand in front of him, ignoring the vision he had of Jan through the mirror in front of him.

"I want our friendship to be like it was before Freddy."

"You know it’s impossible..."

"I know, but I care about you so much, more than Kevin or Felix, or anyone else in the team, I don't want to see you as stressed out as I am now, especially because I know that it's because of me. Freddy please don't think I don't want to be a close friend anymore just because I'm the new goalie coach, we can be so much more together, and you know that as well as I do."

"You want that? Do you want to be with me Jan? I have such a hard time positioning myself, knowing which foot to dance on when I'm standing near you, I don't know if we can be friends or colleagues, I don't know if we should be more or less. I feel so much that it’s like I don't feel a thing sometimes, oh Jan understand me, I wish I could tell you everything, but that would change us forever, and I don't want you to turn away from me!"

"Freddy, I've figured it out for a long time already, I know how you feel about me, and I feel the same, you don't have to be afraid, I will always be there for you."

"Really?"

"Of course."

Then Freddy can't tell what happened from that moment, but the door was closed for some reasons the others better not know until the end of the season...

The End