I Promise - Self Harm! Female! Reader (Canon)

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Reader self harms in this, if you do not find that comfortable I suggest you do not read this chapter. It hopefully isn't too traumatising. She's also kinda bipolar. Not literally but her mood changes very quickly.

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     "Come on Y/N, just go up to her and say 'Do you wanna hang out some time?' And there, it can't that hard." Armin shrugs.

     "Shut up idiot! I don't even like her." The girl huffs and looks away, crossing her arms in the process. Indicating to Armin that she's in denial.

     "What's this about?" Mikasa sits down next to them. Y/N's eyes widen and she goes into straight panic mode.

     "Ahh! Mikasa! I- I need to go! Hi and bye!" She scrambles out of her seat and bolts it out of the canteen, forgetting her untouched food on the table.

     "Did I scare her?" The ravenette asks Armin with a confused look.

     "Ah, well you know Y/N, just being herself really......" Armin chuckles nervously. Mikasa eyes him suspiciously.

     Meanwhile, Y/N is legging it to her room on the other side of the barracks, she arrives and quickly enters. Shutting the door behind her. Panting heavily as she leans against the door.

     "Okay, I escaped death. Good." She releases a sigh of relief.

     "Now what to do...... I'm hungry, but I can't go back to the canteen. Welp, guess I'm stuck here now. Let's just draw or something......" She leans off the door and walks over to her desk.

     She sits down on the chair and takes out her notepad and pencils out of the drawers. She opens her notepad to a new page. She taps her pen on the table, not knowing what to draw.

     "Ooo! I know......" She smiles and starts putting pencil to paper.

     She was particularly good at drawing, she's been doing it most of her life. And it's safe to say her current drawing was perhaps one of the best, maybe not because of the quality, but what she is drawing......

However as she draws, she slowly breaks. The thing barely anyone knows about Y/N, in fact only Levi and Erwin know this, is that she's been through hell. The life she's lived, you couldn't consider it a life. It's worse than that of Levi's.

So to hide the pain, she wears a mask, to hide her true self. Too scared that anyone would judge her, would hate her, would defriend her. So she acts as sweet as a pea, though a large majority of the time the act is genuine.

She has two states of mind. One where she has built Walls ten times taller than the ones they live in, the state she hates. And one she lets everyone see, the state she likes, because in this state, no tears are shed, no hearts are broken, no chaos ensues in that tiny brain of hers. Rarely ever her mind sets on the state she dreads, except recently.

Armin has recently convinced her that she in fact likes Mikasa. And she's hating but enjoying every second of it. But she dares confess, because of two things, Mikasa will just not care. And mainly because she simply can't afford to love, again, not after last time......

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