slight trigger warning : includes suicidal like thoughts, and thoughts of cutting
(if you're not comfortable or you're mental health isn't good right now, please don't continue on. i need you to be okay and get better <33 )
.........
y/n's pov
i lay in bed staring at my ceiling wondering why i let myself down. i always put people before myself and look where that got me. i always promised myself i wouldn't go back to square one.
vinnie's been checking in on me and worried about me, along with everybody else. i've been kind of bitchy towards everybody. i don't mean to, but i can't help it.
i've constantly been having thoughts about cutting again. i cant look at anything sharp without crying. i promised vinnie 6 months ago i wouldn't do anything like that again. yet here i am...
time skip to the afternoon
i look around at all my friends smiling and being happy. i need to tell vinnie how i feel but i can't. "hey, y/n can i talk to you upstairs?" he whispers as if he read my thoughts.
"uhm.. yeah."
"y/n what's wrong? you seem really off and everybody can tell. you've been awfully quiet and i can tell you're just off" he asks me. i look down and fiddle with the blanket.
"y/n... please lift up you're sleeves." he says lowly making my head shoot up. i feel my eyes heat up and i instantly try to blink them away.
"please..." i slowly lift up my sleeves and put my arms out. "i didn't do anything. i promised you i wouldn't 6 months ago."
"my love, i know somethings wrong. i cant force you to tell what it is but please talk to me. i want to make sure you're okay" he looks me in my eyes and i instantly start crying.
"vinnie, i know i said i wouldn't fall back but i did. i keep caring about other people and forgetting about myself. i haven't been me. it's all an act. i haven't seen myself smile in so long. at least not genuinely. you make me happy vinnie but i can't let my happiness depend on a boy. me, myself, i'm not happy... i cant do it vinnie. i cant."
"hey, hey, y/n look at me. focus on yourself, if you need a break it's understandable. you make me happy and i'm so thankful for that. but, i need YOU to be happy, i need YOU to find yourself, and i especially need YOU to put yourself first. i love you and i'll be with you no matter what choice you make" vinnie softly speaks while looking in my eyes.
i smile slightly and feel my heart get warm. yes, i did loose myself but i know deep down he's the only reason why i'm alive and waking up every morning and day.
A/N
uhh a sad imagine. oopsie yes yes i based this on myself 6 months ago😭😜.
i want you all to know that i'm here for you guys no matter what. even if i don't know you personally, loosing yourself and being all alone isn't the best feeling.
MY MESSAGES ARE ALWAYS OPEN. i love each and every one of you
hope you enjoyed <33
-n.
