Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 53

not my usual update schedule, although it is technically friday (just two weeks late)

i'm so sorry for my recent inactivity. please don't let this stop you from commenting throughout and voting. your kind words and support over the past few weeks have really made such a difference <3

~***~

I found myself waking up from my dreamless sleep with a tight feeling in my chest. My reluctance to open my eyelids, which felt heavier than normal, was further encouraged by a dull aching in the muscles in my arms and legs. Even through my close lids, I could see that the sun had risen. The light turned my darkened vision a warm amber colour. The thin bed sheets were warm against my exposed skin, longing for me to stay wrapped up in them for the rest of the day - but I couldn't. Today was Thursday. It may be the fourth anniversary of my father's passing, but I had media duties I couldn't afford to miss after the drama of Monaco. 

My right arm slowly stretched its way outwards. I had expected for my fingertips to brush up against Max's arm, however I felt a sense of loss when all I felt was the empty space of where he had been. Slowly, I peeled my eyelids open as I rolled over to face where he had gone to sleep the previous night, further confirming to me that he wasn't here. The white sheets were messily crumpled and the his indentation was vaguely visible in the mattress. My eyes were drawn to the only object that seemed neat: the pillow. As I moved onto my aching elbows, I noticed how the corners had been pulled to remove the creases on the main body of the pillow. Placed directly in the middle was a folded sheet of white paper and a single white rose. 

I used the headboard to help myself into an upright position, forcing myself to swing my legs over the side of the bed to solidify my intent to remain awake. I didn't have much of an idea of the time, but knew that it must be before nine o'clock as that was the time I had set my alarm for and it had yet to go off. I gently grasped the contents on the pillow and placed them carefully onto my lap. The delicate petals of the rose tickled my exposed pale skin that wasn't covered by the soft material of Max's shirt I had worn to bed. My movements were groggy and slow, however I eventually managed to open up the paper and read the messy words: 'I'm sorry I won't be there when you wake up, but Netflix are sticking with Red Bull this weekend and I had to get up earlier. I'm also sorry that I didn't wake you to see you before I left, but I knew you'd appreciate the extra sleep. I know today is going to be hard, so I just want to remind you that I'm always here for you, and that I love you with all of my heart. If you need me at all today, just give me a call and I'll make an excuse to get away. Lots of love, your Fiancé x'

I felt my heart sink with sadness as my thumb grazed across the paper. It was selfish for me to want him to spend as much time with me as possible, and I hated how dependant on him I was becoming whenever I was feeling even more down than normal. This feeling couldn't pass quick enough.

My entire body jumped at the sudden blaring of my alarm tone, the noise resonating around the small bedroom even when I had shut it off on my phone. I wasn't surprised to see my lock screen filled with notifications from multiple sources, such as text, twitter, and Instagram. I knew I could trust Damien to handle any of my important social media notifications so turned my focus to replying to any texts that warranted a response. 

The schedule Damien had sent me for the day wasn't as busy as I expected it to be. I could only guess that he took into account the grief I was feeling when agreeing or disagreeing to any interviews. Still, I was going to be spending the majority of my day at the paddock. Whilst I was grateful that I was going to be distracted, I was not looking forward to the questions about Lando. What could I possibly say? For one, I had no idea what he has been telling people for the reason, so if I wanted to keep my personal life shielded from the public's knowledge, I couldn't afford to be caught up in a lie.