Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 4

look at me being eager
don't forget to vote and comment!

~***~

The flight date to Australia was drawing ever closer and Kudzai still hadn't delivered her baby. I had been staying with her and Esteban in the week leading up to the flight as an extra set of hands. The pair needed help mostly in maintaining the quality of the house, ensuring the hospital bags had the essentials, and that the baby's room was completed for when she eventually arrives.

Kudzai grew more and more irritable by the day, constantly expressing her desire to 'get this goddamn baby out' of her. No matter what methods she tried to induce labour, nothing seemed to work. The doctors were hesitant to give her a c-section before her 42nd week and remained optimistic that the baby would be delivered naturally, however had to give in due to Kudzai's discomfort and annoyance. They decided to arrange the c-section for the Monday immediately after the Australian GP which would mean Esteban flies out as soon as he gets out of the car. Depending on my result and the amount of press I'll need to do, I was going to join him, and even booked the flight in advance for the two of us.

I flew out on Tuesday, arriving down-under on Wednesday evening. The timing was to (hopefully) give me time to rest up before the media and track walk the following day. Jet-lag was always going to play a role in my schedule but I'll have to power through any tiredness of any kind because I wouldn't have the time for it.

Damien and I had parallel rooms in the hotel with no connecting walls. Whilst I would've shared with Kudzai, there was a very high possibility that D would bring someone home with him. He did have standards, but at the same time was open to having a good time with anyone. It's not something I enjoy hearing, especially if I have duties the following day. I'm surprised I can still look at my best friend the same way I've always done.

One aspect I was looking forward to in Australia was the opportunity to see Victoria again. Her career had really taken off in the last few months which unfortunately left her with a chockablock schedule and little down time. Our schedules hadn't lined up in a long time. Talking over the phone was okay, but an in-depth in-person session was deeply needed. What better way to catch up and de-stress than over a yoga session immediately after a tense flight?

"I just feel like I've been lying to myself," I confessed, leaning forward to touch my toes. I looked to my right to see Victoria copying my moves as she gave me a concerned look. "I'm putting on this persona in front of the media and it's like I'm trying to convince myself that I am this person at the same time."

"And what is this?" Victoria asked.

I stepped back into the downward dog position and exhaled. "That I'm confident and know what I'm doing. I have so many people looking to me to set an example and I just don't think I can do that being truthful. In reality, I haven't got to faintest of clues as to how I'm going to perform this season, or how my future with Mercedes looks if I can't give them what they want. I'm trying so hard to convince myself that I'm good enough but my testing pace says otherwise."

"Fuck testing," Vic said as we moved into side-planks, facing each other. "That doesn't show shit and you know it."

"It kind of does or else we wouldn't do it."

"Well, last season Esteban was out-pacing you in testing and you finished the championship with over twenty more points than him. So what if it took you a bit longer to get settled in the new car? You're going to be topping the time sheets as soon as you head out on the track and then your mind will be cleared for the rest of the season," Vic told me with reassurance, her voice getting breathier the longer we held the pose. "I have known you as a driver long enough to know that your performance mainly dips when you worry. Look at it from a neutral perspective - you've got several sources of stress right now: Kudz; having Lewis as a teammate; Max's constant badgering... I could go on."