BOOK 2
SEQUEL TO LIGHTS OUT - SPOILERS - MAKE SURE YOU READ BOOK ONE FIRST
That day in Abu Dhabi changed everything. Her secrets may no longer be her own, but the real battles have only just begun. Having such a renowned and experienced teammate, th...
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The days until the final race before the summer break were ticking ever closer, and so was the deadline to make my decision about Max. In all honesty, I feel like I have already come to a conclusion - some will agree with me, and others won't. At the end of the day, this is my life and I deserve the right to choose my future. So many decisions had been made for me with zero control and so I'm going to try my hardest not to screw everything up with the one decision I get to make.
Two days before I was due to fly out to Germany, a few more people for support decided to fly out to Switzerland. Kudzai trusted her four month old daughter with Esteban on his own and caught a flight with Lizzie. Bella, who had been due to join them, was forced to cancel last minute due to additional commitments at her father's magazine company. He had taken ill and so needed the extra support with running the business. Although I was missing her optimism and support, she was exactly where she needed to be. Besides, it wasn't like I was lacking in people to lean on. In addition to Kudz and Lizzie, Pierre and Charles' villa stay came to an end and I allowed for them to crash with me for the time being. It may feel like I'm lacking in many aspects of my life, but I could never be short for support. These people make me, someone so unlovable, feel so loved.
My head was in a better place. It wasn't in a a great place, don't get me wrong, but being able to get my emotions out in a safe way meant that my mind wasn't completely obscured by a dark fog. I was giving my medication the opportunity to work with a positive(ish) attitude even when things felt to hopeless. The upcoming summer break would be the perfect opportunity to really gather myself for what I'm sure will be a tough rest of the season.
After Austria, my championship lead was reduced. Germany would be a good opportunity to extend the lead to a more comfortable margin as it often suits us Mercedes, however nothing is guaranteed in the world of Formula One - not even seats. It was clear that I wasn't the only one having doubts about my future. Pierre hadn't been performing to the standard Red Bull were expecting of him and there were rumours he was very aware of that he might be getting replaced mid-season. Despite my own problems, I would always have time for Pierre just as he had done for me.
Our flight to Germany was early Thursday morning in order to give us enough time to get to the paddock for media duties. In all honesty, I struggled to even fall asleep the night before and eventually gave up trying. The house was completely silent at two o'clock in the morning. My footsteps, although as light as a feather, felt louder than a stomp. I was very aware of any noise I made in the house and so decided to sit on the bench outside overlooking the calm waters of the lake.
I wiped away the cool sweat from my forehead. Despite being the early hours of the morning, the temperatures were still plenty high and humid. The light from the fairy lights I had fitted around my garden were enough so that I could see the detail on every blade of grass. I always find that I can focus on the smallest of things just to avoid dealing with me thoughts.
