Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 44

thank you so much for all of the votes and comments. please keep them coming! your engagement is super helpful in more ways than one and i am so grateful for each and every one of you. all my love ❤️

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Having a Friday out of the car was always a peculiar feeling. On the one hand, it was a relief to get a little break to really plan the rest of the sessions, however on the other, it is usually better to get the weekend over and done with when it's supposed to be tough work. The break can lead to overthinking and doubts. At a circuit that requires full focus all of the time or else you'd run into the barriers, I know how I'd prefer the racing to be planned out. A positive from this is that I get to enjoy the Formula Two racing.

My former team, ART Grand Prix, welcomed me back into their area of the paddock to watch the F2 feature race. I had great company - Kudzai had finally arrived in Monaco, as had Marcus, and Damien had some time before he needed to work. The original quartet was reunited again at last. Murray, who Marcus had brought with him, had the run of Max's apartment, who was also watching him for me before I could get home. Little Libby was being looked after by Esteban's parents to give Kudzai a break so she could meet us all in peace.

I was relieved that none of them brought attention to the plaster on my finger. I had greatly considered taking it off, however wearing it made me feel... better. It was a hard emotion to describe. A part of me wanted to tell them all about my engagement, but I was restrained form doing so by my fear of judgement. These people mean the most to me so I would hate to think of how gutted I'd feel if they weren't onboard with it all. When I'm in a better headspace mentally, I promised myself that I'd finally tell them, that's as long as none of the people who know accidentally let it slip. Marcus was the person's judgement I feared the most given his not-so-subtle dislike for the Dutchman. It was evident when he dropped Murray off this morning at Max's apartment - the pair exchanged no more than four sentences between each other.

Unfortunately, there's only so much free time you can have when you're an F1 driver. Duty called and I was forced to return to the less exhilarating part of my job, which was autograph sessions and engagement with others. I had been forcing a smile for so long that by the end of the day my cheeks were sore and I felt completely drained. It wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't already promised to go to Lewis's for dinner. I didn't feel up for it, but I knew I couldn't let him down. I knew I could confide in him as a teammate and friend without judgement or being coddles, like how Max would almost certainly react.

It took me a little under two hours to get ready, including the time it took to fuss over a needy Murray and to wash, dry and style my hair. The muggy conditions did not favour my hair in the slightest and, to minimise frizz, I spent almost an hour straightening the full lengths of my brown hair. I decided on wearing a little black dress, a favourite staple piece from Michael Kors that they kindly gifted in exchange for promotion. The straps were thin, and the bottom of the dress ended a couple of inches above  my fingers (when they were rested by my side). I wanted to spend time in dressing up to try and make me feel better.

Max snapped a few pictures for my Instagram upon my request. I hadn't been spending a lot of time on social media just because I wasn't in the best of places mentally and I didn't want to make myself worse. I hadn't given a personal update since the news on my endometriosis, and I felt a duty to keep those who have supported me through thick and thin updated throughout.

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