Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 18

It was impossible for me to tell exactly how many hours of sleep I got Saturday night, however I knew for a fact that Lizzie wouldn't approve. For most of the night, it felt like I was just lying there with my eyes closed, the events of the horrific qualifying playing in front of my eyes as if I was reliving it. Every time I thought of Lewis, I got a deep feeling of dread in my stomach. He was going to be out of the sport that he loved so much for months at the minimum. The fact that the crash could've happened to any one of us on track was really humbling, and made me weigh up the risks of racing for what felt like the hundredth time in my short career. Motorsports is dangerous, but it's that rush that makes it so enjoyable. Instead of wallowing in sadness for Lewis, I'm going to race my ass of to get the team the best result possible in far-from-ideal circumstances.

I watched the inky sky slowly melt into a pale blue through the patchy clouds. It was at that moment that I decided to haul myself out of bed, highly doubting that if I were to stay I'd be able to get any more sleep. The time was no later than half six, and I wasn't due to be at the paddock until nine. I felt exhausted, but not tired. It was more of an emotional drain than a physical one.

As I waited for the kettle to boil for my tea, I got to work on making myself some porridge. I kept the soya milk and oats on a low heat on the hob to avoid burning when I cut up some bananas. Although I wasn't overly keen on that particular fruit, it was the only thing left over from when Lizzie delivered me my food for the weekend. Porridge was about the only thing I was trusted to make. Any meal other than breakfast was often prepared by either her or some other member of my team. Damien wasn't a keen cook so whoever was making me food sometimes found themselves making food for the both of us.

My main hope was that once I've got some healthy food into my body, I'll be in a better mood. It might have worked, however I could put my lift in spirits down to a text from Lewis.

'You're probably not awake yet but I wanted to wish you luck in the race today. I know you'll give it everything you can and, no matter what the outcome, I'll be proud of you for stepping up to the mark despite probably not feeling the best. You can sweep the entire course with your eyes closed if you wanted to, but at least make the others think they stand a chance ;)
- Lew 🙌'

I sent him in reply my well-wishes and thanks, as well as a lot of love. I remember how gutted I was when I couldn't take part in the French Grand Prix last season because of my injuries from Baku - that was only one race! To miss multiple whilst being able to watch others race must be nothing short of torture for Lewis. His passion is to race, and he's currently unable to do that.

After washing up my bowl and my mug, I showered and changed into a pair of leggings and a sports bra. Although a little overcast, the temperatures were quite warm for this time of year. Light drizzle was predicted for the race, and the grey clouds on the edge of the horizon didn't give me any reason to think this wasn't true. I didn't want rain, but I can't control the weather. In an ideal world, the race would be dry throughout, with warm-ish temperatures, and an optimum chance of winning the race for the team. Our set-up in the dry showed in Australia it could be competitive. To do well, I need to push all negativity and doubt surrounding my car's performance and just keep my focus on winning.

I decided to drive to the circuit instead of jogging like I had done before. This way, there are less opportunities to be bombarded with questions. I had let Damien know before leaving that I'd meet him at the paddock, as well as Lizzie. I wore some noise-cancelling headphones upon entering the paddock, only giving the awaiting cameras a flash of a smile before heading straight to the Mercedes garage. I didn't give a shit if it portrayed me as rude at this point, the last thing I want to do right now is to hear questions about Lewis.