Can't let YOU go !!!

CHAPTER 48: PROUD

"Toh aise? Jaise aap ne kiya? Darake, jab mujhe nehi mana paye tab mere baccho par kiya. Aap ko waise hi kyun karna tha? Aap mujhse halath and saab bol bhi sakte the." She was confused and utterly disgusted with his thought process. For him was that the right way to do that. It could have done with much ease. He could just narrate the whole thing to her and maybe she would have agreed to him to save a women she found motherly warmth from.

She took her hand back from his hold.

Now he had some more questions to answer.

"I'm sorry for that. I really am." He said but she scrunched her brows.

"That's not I asked Sidharth." she said with a serious tone.

"I know" he said bowing his head. He couldn't get how he should start and how she was gonna react to it.

"Toh, bolo aisa kyun kiya aapne?"

"Shehnaaz." he exhaled loudly and stopped.

"kya?" she asked frowning her brows.

"kyun ki I wanted you to hate me, so that.." he again stopped when she was waiting still looking at him where he was staring at his own lap.

"So that?"

"So that you don't develop any feelings towards me with this marriage." He ended scrunching his eyes shut.

Shehnaaz just kept quiet. This was beyond confusing and emotional for her. Her mind was full of confusion and questions.

He wanted her to not develop any feelings towards him and now he is confessing or answering all her question just to keep her to himself. He was such an unpredictable and complicated man.

But the more important question is that WHY. Why he didn't want her to feel for him. Was it because he thought her to be imperfect and incompatible for him. That he is just marrying her for his mother. If it was him, he would never do that. These all are playing in her head. He somehow again managed to hurt her.

"Shehnaaz." he tried to touch her hand but jerked it.

"kyun ki aap ko laga ki main aap ke liye perfect nehi hu. Kyun ki main na koyi ameer ladki hu jo aapke status ke liye thik ho. Na main koyi model jaisi dikhti hu. Aur nahi koyi jayada paise wale kaam karti hu jo aap kisiko bata sake." She rented it out. Calmly. Like she was breaking from inside. Feeling a rejection type of feelings. Thinking about her being alone and average but him to be the rich and popular. He had everything. He is rich, A doctor. Actually a very famous one and also own a hospital. He had to maintain a class.

Other side Sidharth found that absurd.

"What the hell are you saying? That's what you think?" he couldn't believe what she just said.

"It's okay. Koyi na." she said and he came forcefully held her hand and pull her a little to himself and said

"This is what you could figure out of the whole scenario. You are so stupid." He said leaving her hand and cupping her cheeks from both of his hand. Shehnaaz shook a little watching him this close.

"You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. You must be kidding me if you think you're not beautiful. And more than that you're beautiful from inside. The purest angel." He said from just a few inches away from her. She trembled feeling caught up in his hold, watching his lips moving uttering those beautiful words for her. She was loosing her mind seeing this huge, handsome hulk from this close. She remained quiet when he again said

"You think you don't look like models and that's your weakness? Thank God, you don't look like them. Thank God. Because you look better than them. And what the hell you said about your work." He this time collided his brows. Like showing a little anger at her for thinking that.

"What you do is the noblest profession. Why would I get ashamed of you doing this much of selfless job? Mujhe toh garv hona chahiye aur hota bhi hain. tumhe un baccho ke sath dekhke, jinse tum itna pyaar karti ho, jinke khud ke Ma baap ne unhe chodd diya, unhe tum logo ne apnaya aur itna pyaar kiya. Tumhare andar maamta dekhi hain maine despite you don't have a kid. And you think I would be ashamed. Why? Just tell me why? How could you even think about it?" he sounded like he was complaining to her for her absurd thinking. While Shehnaaz's wounded heart and tired mind was getting relief hearing him. All those days or months she thought she wasn't enough for him and that's why he did all that was proving wrong. She started feeling okay in his hands grip. Her breathing started what stopped just when he came close and cupped her cheeks.

"And what did you say? Ameer nehi ho ye problem hain mere liye? Main kya karunga tum ameer ho ya gareeb? Tum independent ho. Akele kiya hain saab kuch. Bina kisike help ke. These things are meant to be proud of. I'm so proud of you baby." He said squeezing her cheeks a bit. Shehnaaz's throat pained. She felt choked. She kept looking at him and tried to calm her down.

"Toh fir?" she said almost soundless. It wasn't much audible but his being so close to her helped.

"You weren't the reason baby. It was me." he answered.

Her eyes were wide open.

"Matlaab?" She said with her trembling lips.

"mujhe laaga main tumhe kabhi bhi khus nehi rakh payunga. So I didn't want you to get false hopes from me." he said still cupping her cheeks in his hold. He exhaled loudly.

Shehnaaz was surprised hearing him. He thought he can't keep her happy that's why he did that.

"Tohh aab kya badal gaya?" she asked him. He thought he can't keep her happy so he did all those things to make her life difficult enough to make her agreed to the marriage. And now he is doing all these to make her stay with him. He is confessing or we should say answering all her question just to stop her from leaving. And she saw a fear in him to lose her. So she had to ask, what changed?

"Main." He answered after taking a little time thinking all that in his logical mind. 

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