CHAPTER 18: HOLDING BACK

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"Sidharth, Main chahiti hu ki tu Shehnaaz se saadi kar le." His mother's words froze Sidharth at his place. He couldn't leave the room. He was shocked. What does she meant by that. How can she even say all these knowing well about him? Why is she even saying that? His mind was stuck at her words. She wants him to marry Shehnaaz. The girl he knows from few days and her mother knew her from some more days. And she wants him to get married. Even knowing all the fact why he never wants to get married. His past will never let him do that. He won't do that.

He couldn't even move from his place. When his mother touched his arm to turn him.

"Baccha, main Ma hoon teri. Saab janti hoon, saab samajh ti vi hoon. To jin kashmakash me jujhtahe wohh vi pata hain. Lekin aisa to nehi ho sakta ki har bar ghalat hoga." She tried to make him understand which made Sidharth loose him temper.

"Mom, please. Aap mere sath aisa mat karo. Yeh saari batein pichle saab kuch thik nehi kar deti. Aap saab kuch jaanne ke bad vi aisa kaise bol rahi ho?" he sounded angry at the beginning where he sounded so helpless at the end.

"Baccha Main jaan ti hu ki ye batein sab kuch thik nehi kar sakte aur main saab kuch jaan ti hoon issiliye bol rahi hoon. Mujhe pata hain, tujhe pata hain wohh sab kuch jhooth tha. Teri koyi galti nehi thi. I know all these, that's why I don't want you to be alone like this. this is not the way to live life." She said gripping his hands in both of her hands.

"No, Mom. Main ye risk nehi le sakta. Aap ko lagta hain saab kuch sahi hoga thik waise galat hone ke vi chances utne hi hain. Aur Mom iss baar, (he paused for two seconds) iss baar main nehi sambhal payunga." He said with eyes full of sadness.

"Sidharth beta, Shehnaaz aisi nehi hain." She said which made him chuckled even in his pain.

"And how do you know that Mom, how do you know that!! Kitne din se jaante hain aap usse? Less than one month. Aur kitne baar mile hain aap usse? Itne me hi apko pata chal gaya?" he asked bending down to meet her mother's eye.

"Hum saab ko waisa nehi soch sakte hain na! uski saadgi, uska dil. Maine parkha hain Sidharth, jitni baar vi usse mili maine usko inn nazar se hi dekha. Bohut kuch dekha, parkha." She tried to make a point but who can give better points than Sidharth.

"Ho sakta hain Aap jo bol rahi ho wohh sahi hain, uska dil accha, uska saadgi acchi, wo dikhne me acchi, Saab kuch accha. Par yeh hi uski sacchayi hain jo hum ne dekha. Log badalte hain. Mousam ki tarha nehi, minute's ki tarha. Kuch chize durr se hi accha lagta hain. Kuch logo ke sath kuch ghante hi baat kare to accha. Isse jayada nehi. Kyun ki tab unki sacchayibahar aati hain. Uske khubsuraat chehere ke pice kya hain apko kaise pata. Wohh imposter vi to ho sakta hain." He said

"Tu sirf negative hi kyun soch raha hain?" she asked being shocked what he just said.

Sidharth let out a sigh.

"wohh kehete hain na, Doodh ka jala chaas bhi phoonk phoonk ke pita hain. I can't let my heart go through this again.

He said making his mother speechless. He left without spending a minute more there. Went to his room and locked the door with a thud.. his mother cried sitting in her bed feeling her son's unsaid pain. Only a mother knows how badly his son is hurt.

**********

One month passed from that night.

Everything is going normal in Shukla's. Nobody said anything about that night. Sidharth thought his mother understood what he meant and she will never say all those again.

Little did he doesn't know that she is a mother who can do anything to make her son happy. Waiting and keep trying was not something difficult for her. She went to safe home every day in the afternoon from that day. Spending time with kids was just an excuse for her to meet Shehnaaz. Not that she didn't enjoy those kids. She goes there so often that some kids started calling her Daadi. Specially Siraat, who was just learning to talk. Shehnaaz also enjoyed her company. As she didn't have her mother with her, Rita ji's sweet talks, hugs, kisses on cheeks and forehead, calling her sweet names was creating a place in her heart.

Rita ji was trying to understand Sana. She was trying to know her better. She also met her outside of Safe home. She met her quite a time in restaurant. One day she called Sana saying she is in a lot of trouble. When Shehnaaz got worried what happened to her then she said she need help in shopping because of some important occasion. Shehnaaz huffed in relief hearing that she said "hayee rabba, aunty aapne to mujhe dara hi diya. Ittu si baat. Mujhe laga pata nehi kya kaand ho gya. Aap ko meri help chahiye. Jaroor karungi." Like that Rita ji already made a bond with Shehnaaz in one month.

********

"Sana beta, mujhe ek suggestion chahiye aap se." Rita ji said to her over phone.

"haan aunty. Bolo na kya help chahiye aapko?" she was already up for it. It was morning and Shehnaaz was just about to go to the washroom when she received the call.

"tum mujhe mil sakti ho aaj, bohut jaroori hain beta," she requested.

Shehnaaz rubbed her eyes from back of her hand remembering her schedule for today. she remembered today was Sunday. The only day she has a leave in a week from NGO.

"Haan, aaj to main free hoon, batao kahan." Shehnaaz replied and agreed to meet her in decided time.

Shehnaaz was standing outside of a restaurant calling Rita ji a couple of time. she was there for almost 15 minutes. But Rita ji wasn't there and she isn't picking up calls. Shehnaaz was now worried about her. she was getting restless when her phone pinged. It was a massage from Rita ji.

'Shehnaaz beta. Main traffic me fass gayi. Aur yaha network issue hain. Tum jake andar betho table number 8 pe. Main aa rahi hoon.'

Shehnaaz had some relief after the massage knowing she is safe. She entered the restaurant. She was heading towards the table when she stopped seeing Dr. Sidharth.

'Dr. Sidharth yaha pe' Shehnaaz thought.

Sidharth was sitting inside for almost 15 minutes when he saw Shehnaaz coming from the front door. Looking absolutely gorgeous in a black floral dress. That dress was complimenting her perfectly curvy body. Sidharth became dumbstruck watching her.

She looks so beautiful

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She looks so beautiful. Sidharth couldn't take his eyes off from her.

'Is she really here? Or am I imagining!!!' he thought.. Shehnaaz was coming towards him. His heart was beating fast seeing her.

She came and stood right in front of him.

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