crave

thirty-one

"that was a great dinner, draco. thank you" i smile as we make it back to the common room. "theo was-interesting" i laugh and sit down on the couch, "i would have never brought you if i knew he was going to act like that" he says and i shrug. "sit down" i say and he shakes his head "you should get some rest. you have to start going back to class tomorrow" he says and i sigh "i'll be fine." he looks at me and smiles before sitting down beside me. "i really like that dress" he says and i laugh "i could tell." he looks at me as he puts his hand on my thigh "so, you aren't worried about your father anymore" he asks and i look at him. "of course im worried but im not going to let it stop anything i want to do" i shrug and he smiles "so i can do this in front of everybody know" he says trailing his hand under my dress. "no" i laugh as i push his hand away and he shakes his head. "you're such a tease, elizabeth" he says standing up and i roll my eyes "all for you" i say and he laughs as he walks up the stairs. "goodnight, elizabeth" he says before walking into his room.

i feel like a love-sick teen watching him shut the door. my smile is wide and my heart beat is faster than it should be as i stand up. its crazy how just a month and half ago we were at each other's throats and now its like i can't get enough of him.

i walk up to my room and let out a breath as i let the spell wear off. the bruises on my body reappearing and the burning sensation goes away. i walk into the bathroom and smile, the bruise on my lips is starting to go away and the one on my eye is a light purple. my bruised rib is staring to feel better, though i can still see the ugly purple around it. its like everything is getting better.

i walk out of the bathroom and my smile drops as i see a letter on my desk. my name is written in my mother's handwriting on the envelope. i knew things were too good to be true. i knew somehow something would go wrong for me. i reach down and grab the envelope, opening it carefully.
"elizabeth,
         we have found out about your relationship with the malfoy boy. i am disappointed that you werent the one to tell us yourself. i suspected something was going on when you wore the boy's shirt everyday on your break but i wish you had told us. thankfully, we have good friends that look out for you, elizabeth. me and your father are hoping you and draco will come for dinner next week, we would love to get to know him even further. you two can stay overnight, seperate rooms of course. we also heard of your fight with the zabini boy, i hope you learned your lesson from him. i hope you are healing well and that you won't get into anymore trouble.
       micheal and caroline alure"

the paper falls from my shaky hands, theodore told my parents. i know i said i wasnt worried but that was a fucking lie. panic runs through me like a train, what will my father do? will he hurt draco? will he hurt me? of course he'll hurt me, thats what he gets off on. i try to control my breathing as my heart races, it feels as though it could beat right out of my chest. i back up to the bed, sitting down carefully, and try to calm myself down. im so tired of all of this. im so tired of letting my father turn me weak, of watching my mother not care that her daughter is in pain, of being hurt and bruised. i feel like im being suffocated, like someone is holding me down and pushing down on my chest. i need air.

i finally reach the top of the astronomy tower, the night breeze sends chills down my spine. my side hurts like a bitch but i had to come up here. i sigh as i look out over the ledge, i wonder how easy it would be to just jump. no more worrying about my parents, no more worry about the dark lord, no more anything. a tear runs down my cheek, disappointed that i had to think of that. i see all of these kids with their happy lives and perfect families and im jealous. i wonder why my mother doesnt bake cookies when i visit or why my father doesnt do everything he can to protect me. i wonder what i did wrong to make my parents how they are.

tears continue to fall as i look out over the ledge, the thought of jumping continues to grow. i imagine the feeling of the wind flying through me as i fall, the adrenaline i would get watching me get closer to the ground. i imagine the freedom of falling through the air, the freedom of finally getting away. "fuck" the anger boils through me as my hands grip the rail tightly. its as if my body is holding on so i dont go over. i sigh as i let go and sit down, scared to be starign down any longer. "fuck" i lean my head into my hands, i try to think of a happy place but i fail. i don't have a happy place.

"elizabeth" i hear his voice and i quickly look up, wiping my face. i see him looking at me, worried as he makes it to the top of the stairs. "are you okay" he asks and i nod, standing up. "fine. i was just about to leave" i lie and he shakes his head "sit." i shake my head "for fucks sake, elizabeth just sit down" he says and i look at him. i sigh as i sit back down, he walks to me and sits down beside me, wrapping his coat around me. "what happened" he asks and i shake my head "draco, im fine" i assure him and he looks down at me. his eyes are trying to read me, trying to figure it out. "you're not fine" he says and i look at him. i want to tell him. i have to tell him. but i don't want to overstep again. "it's nothing, draco. just tired" i say and he shakes his head. "don't lie to me, elizabeth" he orders and i sigh as a tear runs down my cheek. "my parents found out. theo told them about us. im scared, draco" i admit and he looks at me.

i fear that he's going to stand up and walk away again but he doesnt, he sits and looks at me, waiting for me to say more. "they want us to join them for dinner next week but what if he hurts you? i know he'll hurt me and im already so hurt, draco. i can't handle anymore" i say as another tear runs out of my eye. "please don't cry, elizabeth" he says and i wipe the tear away. "we don't have to go to the dinner" he says and i shake my head "he'll come get me. i don't have a choice." draco sighs as he looks at me, debating on what to say next. "draco, im so tired and im so scared. im even scared to let myself be happy for one moment because everytime i do the world just comes crashing down again and i dont think i can do it anymore" i cry and he shakes his head.

he grabs my hand "elizabeth, i know whats it like to think that happiness will never to come to you but i promise it will" he says and i look at him. he brings his hand up and gently wipes a tear from under my eye. "we'll go to the dinner. we'll show him that you don't care how angry he gets, that you aren't scared of him. he wants you to fear him. so just dont" he says and i laugh "yeah, because it's so easy." "elizabeth alure, i have seen you almost knock blaise on his ass. you looked as though you could kill theo earlier. you're scary, elizabeth" he says and i smile. "we'll be okay. so stop sneaking off to the astronomy tower and actually get some rest so you'll heal and i can fuck you again" he says and i roll my eyes. "but seriously, you'll be okay, elizabeth" he says and he kisses me softly. its like the kiss makes me forget of everything happening, like it all just 'flew' away. he pulls away and smiles "i really need to get healed" i say and he smiles "come on" he says and helps me up.