crave

one hundred three

the morning was hectic, i made breakfast for cam and kai, i went through my mother's things to find old notebooks, i went through my father's things to see if he had known anything about all of this, i cleaned up, and i started getting ready for esmeray and caleb's memorial. i've tried to keep myself busy so i didn't think of them. but i can't stop it.

as i sit and pick the flowers that i'm going to set up, i stop for a moment. i look at the flowers in my hand, what am i doing? i shouldn't have to plan a memorial for two of my best friends. they were just kids.

i shake my head as i let out a breath, trying to push the depressing thoughts away, i've had enough of those.

i finish picking the  flowers and stand up, wiping my hands on my pants.

i walk back inside and sigh as i put the flowers into a vase and set them on the table. "they look nice, ray would have liked them, caleb would have said they were cheesy" he says and i let out a little laugh. "the red reminds me if her hair, i'm going to find something that will remind us of caleb" i say and he nods.

"how are you doing, kai" i ask and he sighs as he looks at me "do you think she loved me? is that why she stepped in front of me" he asks. "i think so" i nod and i can see the tears in his eyes.

"i loved her too. i wish i had told her. just that one date we went on, we thought we were better as friends. but i loved her so much" he cries out and i sigh "come sit down, we can talk. i'll make some tea" i say and he nods.

he sits down in the kitchen as i start to make him a drink. "there are so many things i wanted to say to her, but i just thought we had forever. and caleb, he had so much more living to do. he had never seen anything, gone anywhere. they didn't deserve what happened" he says, his head in his hands.

"liz, promise me you'll stay with draco. because you two are made for each other" he says and i smile "i'll try. i don't know what's going to happen" i say and he nods. "can i read over your mother's notebooks? i'd like to look over some things" he says and i nod. "sure, i set them up in the library" i say and he stands up. "thank you" he says and walks away.

i sigh as i pour myself a cup of tea and lean over the sink. i feel like i could be sick, thinking of esmeray and caleb.

i set my drink down and splash my face with cold water and let out a breath. i wipe my face off and sigh.

"elizabeth" i jump as someone says my name "it's just me" draco says, walking closer to me. i turn around and look at him, he sighs.

"i'm sorry i scared you. i was just checking in. is everyone doing alright" he asks and i sigh "kai's upset because esmeray saved him and cam's upset because caleb was his childhood best friend. i'm trying to distract them with some of my mother's notebooks and i've given cam some things to clean. but really i'm just trying to be there for them. and i'm planning the little memorial service" i say and he looks at me.

"what about you? how are you" he asks and i sigh "i'm okay" i lie and he shakes his head "are you sure? because i'm here now, i know i wasn't there for you during the summer but i am now. you know that, right" he says and i nod. "i'm okay, draco. just trying to take care of everyone" i say and he smiles.

"how are things at the manor? have they found harry" i ask and  shakes his head "they think he's staying at the weasley's.  but i'm not sure" he says and i sigh.

"can you stay over tonight" i ask and he sighs "no. my mother wants me to stay at the manor, to keep me safe i guess. i wish i could though, i miss you" he says and i nod "i miss you too"

"i'm sorry for all of this, elizabeth" he says and i sigh "i know, it's okay. i know you had to" i say and he nods. "i have to get going. but stay safe and take care of yourself. if you need me anymore today, write to the manor. i'll come back tomorrow" he says and i nod. "i love you" he smiles at me and i laugh "i love you too"

"ya'll are cute" cam says from behind me and i laugh "thanks" i say and he shrugs. "do you trust him? i mean he did start all of this" he says and i sigh "yes i trust him. i'm just worried i guess" i shrug.

i'm worried about him. i'm worried about kai. i'm worried about everyone.

"i can understand that. kai is in the library reading over some notebooks. i made tea if you'd like some" i say and he nods. "when are we doing the memorial" he asks and i shrug "whenever, i guess" i say and he nods.

"tomorrow" he nods "kai needs closure" he sighs as he walks to the library.

i hope we can make it out of this. we deserve to. everyone deserves to make it out of this.