crave

forty-nine

i haven't spoken to astoria since the other day and i don't plan on doing it anytime soon. i haven't seen brandon any which is probably a good thing.

"liz, hey, what are you up to" pansy asks as she sits beside me on the couch. "nothing. about to go to my last class, why" i ask and she shrugs "i was going to invite you to the new years party this evening. we're going to count down the time and everything, have a couple drinks maybe" she asks and i smile. "sure, i'll be here" i nod and she smiles "okay, great. i have to round up everyone else" she laughs as she walks out of the common room.

draco walks into the common room a couple minutes later and i smile "hello, elizabeth" he says as he sits beside me. "hey, are you going to the new years party tonight" i ask and he shrugs "i was thinking about it but i don't know" he answers. "come, you can be my new years kiss" i joke and he looks at me "don't you think that's a little corny, elizabeth" he laughs and i shrug "we danced in the ballroom in our pajamas and then you told me you loved me" i say and he rolls his eyes. "whatever. you didn't have to bring that up' he says and i laugh.

"it's fine. i understand if you don't want to come" i say and he smiles "thank you. i'm just a little tired" he says. "everything alright" i ask worried, he nods as he kisses me "just fine" he says as he pulls away. "enjoy the party. i'll see you later. you have a class to get to" he says and i groan as i stand up. "see you later, but if you change your mind the kiss is always on the table" i smile before walking out.

*elizabeths pov*
i smile as i look at myself in the mirror, the dark dress hangs on my body and the ring draco got me shines on my finger. the necklace brandon got me hangs on my neck. i figured since draco isn't coming it will be the perfect time to wear it. besides, it looks great with my dress.

i grab my wand and tuck it into my dress before walking out. the smell of firewhiskey fills my nose as i make my way down the stairs and the music makes my ears ring. pansy sure knows how to throw a party. "liz, you made it" astoria yells, obviously already drunk. i roll my eyes as i push passed her and to the table. i smile as i pour myself a drink and turn around to look at the crowd. the heat from the crowd of people quickly spreads to me and i pull my sweater off, setting it on a chair.

"the necklace looks perfect on you, liz" i hear a familiar voice say and i sigh, i turn my head to see brandon beside me pouring a drink. "yeah, thanks" i shrug and he looks at me "where's draco" he asks. "i don't know. he said he's not coming" i shake my head, i go to walk away but he stops me. "don't worry. i just want to talk" he laughs and i sigh "fine. but get your hands off of me" i say, pulling my arm away. he nods, sticking his hands up as a sign of surrender. "so do you want to dance" he asks and i shake my head "no thank you" i answer, downing the rest of my drink. he laughs as he takes my cup "just one dance. i promise i won't get too close" he smiles down at me, i sigh as i grab the cup he's filled and take another sip of it. "what the hell" i shrug and he smiles as he grabs my hand.

the music runs through my ears and our bodies move together. i laugh as he does a stupid little shimmey and he smiles as he spins me around. my ears ring and my cheeks are heating up as the alcohol runs through my body. "i'm going to get another drink" i laugh as i step through the crowd and back to the table. i smile as i pour another cup and drink it before going back to brandon.

the time goes on and me and brandon continue to dance. the drinks take over my body and they do the same to him. my mind is fuzzy and it feels as if i'm on a different planet. "okay everyone time to count" i hear pansy slur her words out and everyone starts to count. i turn to look at the clock "10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1" and brandon's lips are on mine.

his hands wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him and our lips move together before i can even stop him. i can't control my body anymore. i can't move away. i finally get contorl of what's going on and pull away. "what the fuck" i say slapping him and he laughs as he turns his head back to me. "happy new years, liz" he smiles before walking away.

i have to see draco. i have to tell him before someone else does. i didn't mean to. i'm drunk. and he grabbed me. it's not my fault.

i make my way through the crowd and up the stairs to draco's room. i open the door adn he sits at his desk, his head in his hands. he turns his head to me and sighs "draco, i have to tell you something" my words come out with a slur but i know he could still understand them. "i already know, elizabeth. you can leave" he spits out, fuck. "yeah, i saw. so get the fuck out" he says as he stands up. "draco, you have to listen to me" i beg as tears fill my eyes, scared that i've ruined everything. "no, elizabeth. i don't have to do shit" he says, his eyes are full of fire. "please, draco. i always listen to you, i always let you explain" i beg "well that's your own stupid mistake. i said, get the fuck out" he says, stepping closer.

my head is pounding and i'm working on keeping my vision from going blurry. "please, i didn't mean to. he grabbed me" i defend myself "didn't look like it. you seemed to be enjoying it quite a bit. that's why you were so fine with me not going? so you could hook up with him? is that why you wore that stupid fucking necklace" he says and i shake my head "no, draco. please listen. i had to many drinks. i don't know what happened" i cry out and he laughs "get the fuck out, elizabeth. i don't want to speak to you" he glares at me "draco, i love you. please you have to listen to me" i beg. he laughs as he shakes his head "you don't know what love is, elizabeth. you wouldn't recognize love if it came up to you on the street. because no one's ever loved you, elizabeth. no one can love you. you make it impossible. the second anyone tries to show they love you, you go and fuck it up. is it because poor little daddy doesn't love you? or maybe it's mommy? or astoria? or blaise? or brandon? or me? you can't be loved, elizabeth. and to be honest, you don't deserve it. now get the fuck out of my room, slut" he spits out and i can feel my heart cracking.  i can feel every little crack and every piece falling apart.

i can feel my world crashing down on me and it's all my fault. the moon split in half, the stars exploded, and the water in the ocean evaporated. everything was ending. what draco says is right, i mess a lot of shit up. i messed it up with my father becasue i wasn't the perfect daughter. i messed it up with my mother because i wanted to rebel against her. i messed it up with astoria because i'm to sensitive. i messed it up with blaise because i didn't like some things he said. and now i've messed it up with draco, and for what? because i loved him and for the first time in a while i was experiencing the happiness i've been searching for? that's a pretty shitty reason to mess something up, elizaebeth. i'm the villain in my own story and the villains never win. i'm standing in the center of the ruins of my life that has fallen apart.

"go, elizabeth" he says and i shake my head as tears fall from my eyes. i look up at his eyes full of anger, begging him to let me explain. "i said go" he yells pushing me back and i hit the floor. he opens the door and stares down at me "pathetic" he spits before kicking me so he can shut the door. there are few people left at the party and their eyes are on me but i don't care. tears roll down my face as i lean my head into my hands realizing i've lost the one person that actually cared.

*dracos pov*
i watch as his hands move on her body, his lips on hers. i would run down there and stop him, to save her, but i'm afraid she might not need saving. as i see the way her lips move with his, not pulling away, not fighting, but enjoying it. as i watch i realize that no matter what i say, no matter what i do for her, it's not enough. i could fly to the moon and bring back a start but still, it wouldn't be enough for her. i walk back into my room and sit down at my desk. the image of her and him still running in my mind.

the door and she walks in, i turn my head and i see her smeared lipstick and the necklace he got her dangling on her neck. my whole body fills with anger. i'm angry that she let me fall in love with her. i'm angry that i fell for the way her eyes look in the moonlight or the way her face lights up when she reads. i'm angry that i fell for her attitude and her sneaky comments. i'm angry because i should have known, everything that falls get's broken.