crave

thirty-four

"fuck you, draco" i spit as i walk away from the table after dinner. i can hear him behind me, begging me to stop and listen to him. my cheek still stings slightly from his hand and my throat burns from holding back tears. i should understand why he did it but i don't. he didn't have to be the one to hit me, he could have let my father. he could have at least looked sorry for it but no, he looked proud as my father praised him. "elizabeth, please listen to me" he begs as i grab my bag off of the rack. i grab some of the floo powder and get into the fireplace, going back to hogwarts.

as soon as i am in the slytherin common room i step out but i can already hear draco behind me. "elizabeth, listen. let me explain" he begs but i still ignore him. "liz, please" he says and i freeze at his use of a nickname. i always thought i wanted him to call me liz but i cringe as soon as it comes out of his mouth. i turn and look at him, his eyes are now full of regret and his hair is messed up as he runs his hand through it. "come to my room. let me explain" he says and i shake my head. "no, draco. you fucking hit me for fucks sake" i say and he rolls his eyes. "please, elizabeth. you act like you've never been hit before" he says and i look at him "it shouldnt be a common thing for me, draco. and it shouldn't be something you look forward to. what are you? my fucking father" i yell and he glares at me "i am nothing like your father, elizabeth" he seethes and i shake my head "looked just like him when you slapped me across the face. for what? because he told you too. are you my fathers little bitch too" i say and his jaw clenches. "shut the fuck up, elizabeth" he yells and i shake my head. "you deserved it, elizabeth. you deserve everything that has happened to you. i should have never stopped your father that night" he yells out and thats when i freeze.

his words shouldnt hurt me as bad as they did but it felt as if my whole heart had shattered. i've gotten too close to draco this past month and im finally starting to realize it. i know nothing about him while he knows everything about me. he knows everyway to get under my skin while i dont even know his favorite color. i realize that maybe he doesnt care for me like i thought he did. that maybe he's just like blaise, maybe he just wanted into my pants too but wanted to see how far he could play me.

"elizabe-" "go to hell, draco" i shake my head as i walk out of the common room. my heart beating fast, my vision blurred as tears fill my eyes, my throat burning from holding them in. fuck im. fuck my father. fuck my mother. fuck everything.

*dracos pov*
"come to my room. let me explain" i beg and she shakes her head "no draco. you fucking hit me for fucks sake" she says. does she not realize i didn't have a choice? she should know i hated doing it just as much as she did. "please, elizabeth. you act like you've never been hit before" i say and she looks at me. i can see the anger boiling inside of her "it shouldn't be a common thing for me, draco. and it shouldn't be something you look forward to. what are you? my fucking father?" she yells and i glare at her. im nothing like her father. she knows i would never hurt her like that. "i am nothing like your father, elizabeth" i say and she shakes her head laughing. "looked just like him when you slapped me across the face. for what? because he told you too. are you my fathers little bitch too" she says and it was like a switch. i no longer cared if i hurt her. "shut the fuck up, elizabeth. you deserved it. you deserve everything that has happened to you. i should have never stopped your father that night" i yell and she freezes.

and just like that the switch was flipped again. i look at her eyes, the anger mixing with a sudden sadness that breaks me into a million pieces. of course i didnt mean that. i don't know what happened. i can see the gears in her brain turning, thinking of her next move as my body fills with regret. "elizabe-" "go to hell, draco" she shakes her head. her voice is cold, like ice stabbing through my body. she walks out of the common room. i want to chase after her. i want to tell her how sorry i am but i fear its too late. i fear that ive messed everything up.

"draco, what the fuck" pansy says and i look to see her standing at the bottom of the stairs "shut it, pansy. i know i fucked up okay" i say and she just looks at me. "go after her, what the hell are you doing" she says and i shake my head "i cant. i'll just make it worse. i'll wait until she comes back, when she's cooled down" i say and she sighs, walking back up the stairs. i sit down on the couch, full intentions on wating until elizabeth comes back.

*elizabeths pov*
i hate myself for letting him get to me so easily. i hate myself for telling him things when i dont even know if i could trust him. i hate myself for not jumping when i thought of it. but most importantly, i hate how much i dont hate him. i should never want to see him again after what he has said. i should want to kill him but i dont. is this what love is like? if so, why does it hurt so much? i thought love was supposed to be happy and exciting, at least thats what they say in the stories. but maybe this is my version of love. maybe im destined to have a hurtful love. or maybe im meant to be alone, to simply observe love from a distance or from a book. maybe im just meant to love the idea of love. the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone and never getting tired of them. or maybe that doesn't exist and its all something i've made up in my head to give me hope.

finally i calm myself down and make my way back to the common room. draco looks up at me as i walk in and its like a tornado of emotions rushes through me. "elizabeth" he says and i shake my head "stop it, draco. we're done" i breath out. but were we ever really something? "elizabeth, for fucks sake, please listen to me" he begs and i look at him. his eyes are tired and sad as he looks at me. "go ahead then" i shrug and he sighs "im not good at this obviously. ive never been the type to date or hell, ive never even be the type to fuck someone twice. but you, elizabeth, i havent been able to get you out of my mind and its so crazy. becasue ive known you for such a short time but im addcited to you. i know i am a horrible person but a month ago i wouldn't have stayed out here, planning my words or thinking of ways to make it up to you. im working on myself for you, elizabeth. and i know im doing a shitty job at it but please give me time. because no one has ever cared for me like you do, elizabeth. no one gives me a feeling like you do. remember when i said that i used to think happiness would never exist? you showed me that it does, elizabeth. i know its cheesy as fuck but i don't care right now. just please, you can't leave me yet, you're someone worth fighting for and right now this is all the fight ive got" he says and a tear rolls down my cheek.

he's let his wall down with me. he's shown a side of draco i dont think anyone has ever seen. am i supposed to walk away from that? would it be stupid of me to continue to like him like i do?

"elizabeth, say something" he says desperately and i nod "im not leaving you, draco. we just got started" i say and he smiles as he looks at me. "i didn't mean what i said about your father. you don't deserve any of that" he explains and i nod "i know" i laugh. "i think im going to go get some rest. goodnight, draco" i say and he nods "goodnight, elizabeth" he smiles and i walk up the stairs. i can't help but wonder if i made the right choice to continue things with him.