crave

ninety-four

it's been two days. he won't answer me. i wrote him once, asking if i could come stay at the manor since my mom decided to check herself into a mental facility. no answer. i wrote him again, asking if everything was alright. no answer. i know he's getting them because my owl comes back with empty hands. i wrote him again asking if he needs help. no answer. i started to worry for a moment, but if he's getting them he's okay. he's just not answering me.

i've tried to think back on out last day together, if there was something i did that pissed him off. but no. we had a perfect day. he walked me home. said he loved me. nothing happened. so why ignore me? is this his way of ghosting me? why would he do that? we're perfectly fine, the happiest we've ever been. and besides i'll see him when school starts again.

i grab another piece of paper, ready to write him again.

"draco,
     i know you're getting these. so just tell me what i did and i'll apologize. i can't remember if i pissed you off or not, but i don't think i did. so why are you ignoring me? it's been two days and you've ignored every letter i've sent. i'm starting to worry again, draco. please just let me know you're okay and i'll stop writing. i'm sorry and i love you.
     yours,
             elizabeth"

i send the letter off with a sigh and sit nervously waiting for a reply.

about an hour later, my owl comes back, holding a letter. i let ouf a sigh of relief as i grab it and rip the envelope open.

"i'm okay.
         - draco"

seriously? now i'm pissed. two days of nothing, absolute nothing, and finally i get an answer and all it says is 'i'm okay'. what the fuck? not an 'i love you' or a 'i miss you' just 'i'm okay'.

what the fuck did i do to him? i'll tell you, absolutely nothing. i didn't do anything to him and he's treating me like nothing. for absolutely no reason. is this really hsi way of ghosting me? is this actually happening? if so, why now? why after everything we've done? more than half a year together, and this is how he does it? no, it can't be. this can't be it. right? he wouldn't do that, no, draco wouldn't do that to me.

*draco's pov*
i've read every letter, stuffed them all in a drawer. i can't lie to her. i can't tell her. i can't let her come here. i can't see her. how am i supposed to write back to her and just tell her everythings fine while it's not. i just don't know what to say to her. because i know this will ruin us, i know this will ruin her, and me. so i can't do it. the only thing i can think of is to ignore her, ignore her until she ends it. because i can't end things between us, that's the last thing i'll ever want to do. but if she ends it, i'll have to be okay with it.

i hate doing it like this though, throwing her to the side, ignoring her. but how else am i supposed to get her to end it? i can't look her in her eyes and be an ass, i can't hurt her, i can't tell her it's over, so this is the only way. to just ignore her until she ends it. right? yes.

*elizabeth's pov*
"draco,
     i know i told you i would stop writing to you if you let me know you were okay, but i can't stop myself. what happened? why are you doing this? if this is your shitty way of breaking up with me for absolutely no reason, i don't accept it. we're perfect, draco. we're happy. why won't you answer me? we can work on this, just talk to me, please.
     i'll leave the window unlocked tonight, just incase you want to write back. please write back, this is killing me. i'm all alone here, draco, you can't do this now. i love you more than anything. more than reading and the sky. more than the rain. more than i've ever loved anybody. so please, don't do this. please.
      yours,
             elizabeth"

tears threaten to fall as i send the letter off. he can't really do this, can he? he can't just walk away like that? just turn it off. he can't jsut stop loving me. does he love me? or did he fake it all? no, there's now way he faked that. nobody can fake that. no what we have. or had.

i sit at the window for what feels like forever, picking at my nails, waiting for a response. but nothing comes. and suddenly, i don't feel safe anymore. if he's not answering that means if i were in trouble, he'd never know. it's silly that i need him to feel safe. but i always have. he's always been here to protect me. through everything. even when we were fighting, he protected me. what changed?

i sit on my bed, my back against the wall, watching the door, i can't lock the window. just in case. so i watch the window too. picking at my finger nails, scared, alone, all night long. every noise making me jump, every creak of a stair making my heart stop. in this big, cold, house. anything could happen, and no one would ever know.

*draco's pov*
i can't answer her. i can't give in yet. this has to happen. it has to happen this way. to protect her. to protect us. so that maybe, when all of this is done, she'll still love me. and we can run away to that big house that's not too big and that giant library. so it has to happen this way. no matter how hard it really is.