crave

fourteen

two weeks until our break. i don't even know why hogwarts lets us out for thanksgiving break, this isnt even america. i tried asking astoria but she said she doesnt know either. i guess the professors probably need a break from all of us. but do they need to let us go at the beginning of november? why not the end of november? im dreading having to see my parents. i havent recieved anymore letters from my mother but im sure she will have a lot to say when i do see her. i cant even imagine what my father has to say-or do. and i also have that fucking dinner, whatever the fuck thats for.

i sigh as i look out over the astronomy tower, i had class today but i didnt want to go. i have to much to think about and i really dont feel like seeing draco anytime soon, especially not after yesterdays outburt.

the wind blows slightly and the trees sway in the sunlight. its relaxing, being up here. hardly anyone ever comes up here so its easy to not get interuptted.

though, i cant help but feel nervous for when i do go home. my father is probabl furious with me. and to have to be home for a whole two weeks, no where to go, makes me even more nervous. i think about the night he brought me from hogwarts, him pushing me into the room as my mother watched. the door slamming shut behind us. his eyes glaring into mine, his eyes full of fire while mine are full of fear. him pinning me down, touching me. him making me get on my knees, disgusting. him touching himself to the sight of his own daughter, calling me his little kitten, like some psychotic freak.

i realize my breathing getting heavy as i think of it, panic running through my body as i remember the night. as i think of what could happen next. i place my hand on my chest, i can feel my heart beating rapidly, i try to breath and calm myself down but i cant. all i can think about is what hes goign to do to me next. what he'll call me. what'll he'll touch. stop, elizabeth. just breath. you bring it onto yourself. i slowly sit down, my breathng still heavy as tears slowly start to fall down my face. i tell myself to breath, try to calm myself down but its not working. i wish astoria was here, she could help me. i wish anybody was here.

*dracos pov*
i hear someon up at the astronomy tower and i groan. thats my spot, everyone knows that. i continue to walk up the stairs, the sound of sobs get louder. as i reach the top of the stairs i see elizabeth, gripping her chest. tears run out of her closed eyes. her breathing is heavy, causing her breasts to rise and fall but thats not where im focused. im focused on the pain in her face. debating on if i should see whats wrong. why would i?  she was just a bitch to me yesterday, let her hurt. let her feel the weight of the world on her shoulders.

even thinking that i still dont leave, i watch as she sobs, every now and then covering her mouth to silence them when they get loud. her eyes open slowly and i step down a step so she cant see me. her eyes are puffy and red, full of a sadness that i can recognize. a sadness that shes lived with forever. for a second i feel sorry for her until i remember how fucking annoying she is.

shes still holding her chest as she leans her head down into her other hand. her sobs continue and she takes a breath. "fuck" she yells, i know that pain, the pain that makes you angry. she grabs her wand from beside her and points it at herself. for a second it seems like she wants to end it all. that the pain has won. and in that second my body urges me to run to her, to stop her pain, but why would i do that? but she drops the wand with a shaky hand and cries out again. i let out a breath i didnt know i was holding and shake my head. as much as i want her to leave and get out of my spot, i let her have her moment. i walk down the stairs quietly and out of the tower.

i dont know why i was so determined to stay and watch. i dont know why my heart hurt for her. i dont know why i let her stay even though thats where i go to think. but when i saw her pick up the wand and point it at herself i knew i couldnt make her leave. i knew i couldnt yell at her and rush her away. because ive been in that position, ive been in that pain, wand pointed at myself ready to give up. ready to let whatever monster that was inside of me win. i wouldn't wish that pain on anybody, not even elizabeth.

*elizabeths pov*
after finally calming myself down and fixing myself i made my way back to the slytherin common room. i figure ive already missed most of my classes why go now? i sigh as i walk in, expecting it to be empty. i sigh as i see draco, not wanting to deal with his shit right now. i dont want to go to my room though, i cant be alone in there right now. so i walk over to the couch and he looks up from the book hes reading. i expect him to have some sly remark but instead he kicks his feet in the floor. i try to hide my confused look as i sit down, both of us not saying a word. his eyes are back on his book as i lean down and grab a book off of the coffee table. i lean back and open it. he kicks his feet into my feet and i glare at him, he just continues reading his book.

i feel like i should run, because i believe this is draco being nice to me. but i dont. i sit there, book in hand, his feet in my lap, relaxing. with draco malfoy. who has not made one single mean comment yet.