crave

twenty-two

i wake up, covered in sweat, my breathing is heavy. i dont know why ive started having these nightmares of my father. perhaps its because he was worse than ever this time, or maybe it was his warning when i was walking out of the house, telling me he would be waiting for me to come back. whatever it was, it obviously had scared me.

i sigh as i look at the clock on the wall, four in the morning. i wont be able to go back to sleep so i dont even try. i stand up, shivering as my feet touch the floor. its always freezing in my room, i wonder if anyone elses room is this cold?

i grab the book ive been reading and quietly walk out of my room. thankfully, no one is in the common room as i walk down the stairs. i smile as i see that the fire is still going and i can warm up. i sit down on the leather couch and let out a breath as i open my book.

"i love your shirt, elizabeth" i hear his voice behind me. i look down and see im wearing draco's shirt. fuck.

he walks from behind me, only wearing his green pajama pants. "it looks good on you" he says and i sigh "would you like it back" i ask and he shakes his head "no need. i believe it looks better on you" he says, eyeing my body. i know he wants to speak about it, wants to ask questions. but can i trust him enough to tell him things or would he go tell the whole school?

"what are you reading" he asks as he pushes my feet to the side. i look at him over my book as he pulls my feet onto his lap. almost like i did the night after my break down on the astronomy tower. "a book" i say and i hide my smile behind the pages. he glares at me but his eyes dont hold any anger as he looks at me. his eyes have a slight amusement to them as he scoffs. his hand rests right at my ankle and he leans back against the couch.

"do you enjoy reading, draco" i ask, knowing he's not going to leave so why not start a conversation. "i enjoy a good story but i hate the reading part" he says and i laugh. "i dont hate you, elizabeth" he confesses and i look at him, his head looks down at the coffee table in front of us as he speaks.

"draco-" i try to cut him off but he shakes his head "im speaking, elizabeth. please let me tell you this" he says and i sigh. "i dont hate you. i hate the way you so easily took over my mind. i hate the way ive made you think that you mean nothing to me. when in reality, elizabeth, im scared you might be the only thing i care about. i dont know how you've done it in such short time but you have become someone i worry about. dont take this as pity because its not. i dont pity people because i know everything could always be worse. elizabeth, i dont know exactly how i feel about you but i know i dont hate you" he says, my heart beats faster than ever.

i dont know how i feel about draco. yes, i think about him all of the time but i dont know why. i worry about him. i would try my best to help him if he was in trouble. i know that when i see him my heart rate increases. i know that the thought of him fills my stomach with what some people would call butterflies. but i also know that it doesnt matter how i feel about him, if me and him were to be together my father would kill both of us. just seeing me in his shirt was enough for him to torture me.

"draco, i-you-i dont know how i feel about you either, draco. but i don't you either" i laugh and he looks at me "but my father would kill us both if i were to be with you" i say and he nods. "i understand, elizabeth. i just had to make sure you knew i dont hate you" he says and he goes to stand up. "stay, draco" i say, i dont want him to leave. i want him here with me. my whole body tells me to keep him by my side.

"can i read to you" i ask and he looks at me "why would you want to do that" he asks and i shrug. "its a good story. and you wouldnt have to do any of the reading" i say and he works to hide the smile on his face. "it better be a good story. dont waste my time, elizabeth" he says and i roll my eyes.

we both sit with each other, the only noise being my reading and the fire beside us. his hand resting on my leg as he watches the fire. though, i can tell he is paying attention to the story, i see his eyes light up at the exciting parts. i wonder where this side of draco had been hiding, the side that i wanted to stay with forever.

*dracos pov*
i dont know why i told her how i was feeling. it was stupid honestly. made me vulnerable. but i couldnt let her think i hated her, it had gone on long enough. everything i said was the truth, i dont know exactly how i feel about her but i know i dont hate her, not even a tad bit.

as she sits here, her voice calming as she reads, a small gesture just making my heart feel warm. the fact that she didnt tell me to fuck off and go away proved that she could possibly be feeling like i was feeling. but no matter what we feel we cant be together. as she said, her father would kill her. if it means keeping her safe i'll keep my feelings to myself.

seeing her in my shirt gave me a comforting feeling, knowing she didnt hate me for giving it to her. it also turned me on a slight bit but i wouldnt admit that to her. no matter how well she looked. she needed a break for now. ill give it a week, after that i dont know if ill be able to control myself.