Shallow Valley

17.My Instincts Are The Enemy

17.

My instincts are the enemy
I warned you
[...]
Keep asking different questions
The same answer I receive
I need you more than ever
Tell me you what you've seen
(American Football-My Instincts Are The Enemy)

Lexa hadn't slept at all. She was so... She didn't even know how she was feeling. Excited? Confused? Embarrassed? She had almost kissed Clarke. She had almost betrayed Costia and Madi. Promise me that you won't close to the chance of being happy again, Lincoln had told her. Lexa sighed. She really wanted to move on, but it wasn't so easy. She still loved Costia and she felt so guilty for her death. Those murderers were looking for her. She should've be dead instead of Costia, this was a matter of fact. She couldn't already think about another girl, not after only eleven months. On the other side, there was Madi. The girl was so attached to Clarke. The doctor was helping her so much, in a lot of different aspects of her life. The fact that they both shared the loss of a parent allowed the teen to trust her. Yes, Lexa had lost her parents too, but it was different. She had never really known her mom, nor her dad. It was also what hurt her the most, not being able to remember them. However, at the same time, she had never considered Titus as a replacement of her parents. Titus was her family and she had just accepted that fact. He had given her a place where to live, an education and a purpose. Thanks to him, she had become Heda, the leader of all Grounders. She had gained power. And then she had thrown it all away in order to marry a widowed woman with two kids, one of them who had been hating her since the first moment they met. Love is weakness, this is what Titus had taught her. And he was right. Bonds were extremely dangerous for her and her beloved ones. Costia's death was the proof she should had listened to Titus. However, Lexa had never regretted having loved Costia. She had never regretted her marriage. Yes, it was true, Titus had given her a purpose, but it was his purpose. Costia and the kids had given her something more important: a future.

Lexa groaned and tried to close her eyes and sleep for, at least, five minutes. Of course Aden had other plans. He entered her room slamming the door and jumped on her bed, causing her to gasp. For a moment, she believed to die because of a heart attack.

"Aden, it's just seven in the morning. And it's Saturday. Go to sleep, baby." the woman whined, in vain. The child was already talking about something she couldn't really pay attention to. He suddenly started asking her a lot of questions.

"Mama, can I play with my toys? And can you prepare me breakfast? Can I have chocolate cereals? Can I watch a movie? Can I..."

"Okay, stop." Lexa stopped Aden, forcing him to lay down next to her. "Sleep." she whispered, softly.

"I don't want to sleep, I want cereals." he replied, annoyed. Lexa smiled at him and kissed his temple. She started rubbing his back, praying for him to fall asleep again. Aden yawned and, little by little, he closed his eyes and ended up in Snooze City. And, finally, Lexa followed him few minutes later. She woke up two hours later, because of Aden kicking her chest. He was probably having a nightmare.

"Honey, wake up." she whispered tenderly. The child opened his eyes and hugged the woman. He was shaking.

"It was just a nightmare, you're safe here." Lexa told him, to calm him down. Aden nodded, a little unsure of that statement.

"Do you want to tell me what you were dreaming of?". The child shook his head and held close to Lexa. The woman decided to not insist and kissed his hair.

"Good morning.". Lexa turned. Madi was leaning on the door, picturing a shy smile on her face. The woman was surprised by that sight, but she didn't say anything. She just smiled back.