Shallow Valley

57.Changed By You

57.

'Cause I am changed by you
The more I get to know you
The more I want you close to me
And I'll take care of you
Please just say you'll let me
Forever be whatever you need
(Between The Trees-Changed By You)

Clarke was sleeping, when she heard a whimper. She tried to ignore it and not open her eyes, but it became more and more insistent.

"No, please. Please, don't go. Don't go away." she heard crying. She opened her eyes and turn on her left. Lexa was crying in her sleep, haunted by nightmares.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I am sorry, but don't leave me. Don't leave me." she kept crying, through tears. Clarke started shaking her, trying to wake her up.

"Lex... Hey, wake up baby. Open your eyes."

"Don't leave me, Clarke. Don't leave me!" Lexa cried more and more. Clarke didn't know what to do. Her girlfriend would have woken up Aden and Madi and it would have been really embarrassing, considering that they were both naked in the brunette's bed with the kids knowing nothing about her presence there.

"Lexa!" she called her again, causing the other woman to open her eyes suddenly, jerking. Her breath was short and she was staring into space, her skin so pale that for a while Clarke feared she could have a fever.

"Baby, hey." she whispered, trying to calm Lexa down. "I've got you, love. Here, breathe with me.". Clarke took Lexa's hand and squeezed it, gently.

"C-Clarke..." the brunette muttered. She was shaking and sobbing and the blonde could sense her heart aching in her chest at that sight.

"Lex, I'm here. I've got you, baby." she told her girlfriend. "Can you feel my hand?". Lexa nodded and Clarke smiled at her. "Good. Breathe with me, baby. Inside and then hold for four seconds. Perfect, now outside." she instructed the brunette. Finally, Lexa seemed to calm down and relax a bit. Panic made room to huge tears streaming down her cheeks, but at least her panic attack was gone.

"Can I touch you?" Clarke asked, afraid  to worsen the situation. The brunette shook her head in yes and the blonde didn't think about it twice and held her close to her chest. They stayed like that for they didn't even know how much time, Clarke gently rocking Lexa and whispering to her soothing words. When she saw that the Grounder was finally more relaxed, she helped her laying down on the mattress and covered her with the blankets, spooning her from the behind. She started caressing her harm, kissing her shoulder and nape every now and then.

"I love you." she whispered. Lexa bit her own lip and turned facing Clarke, her eyes still full of tears. The blonde smiled at her and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked in a very soft tone. It was dark and a part the moonlight filtering through the curtains there was nothing illuminating the room, however Lexa could easily see Clarke's blue eyes fathoming her. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to tell Clarke the truth, but at the same time she was so scared that her nightmare could turn true. She had lied to her girlfriend about her father's death, after all. She didn't deserve her forgiveness, not again.

"Lexa, please. You know you can talk to me, you don't have to keep everything bottled up inside." Clarke insisted, bringing her back from her thoughts. Lexa took a deep breath. Clarke was right she had to open up with her.

"I... You left me, Clarke. You left me and I lost you forever because of what I've done to you. And I deserved it. I'd deserve it." she confessed, through tears. Clarke gazed at her softly and closed her in a tender embrace, kissing her forehead. Lexa shivered to that skin-to-skin contact, but at the same time she looked for more of it.