Shallow Valley

22.Stay

22.

I want to trust you, I want to believe in fate
I've been burned too many times before, but we learn to live and let go
(You vs Yesterday-Stay)

Lexa lost herself in that kiss. Clarke's lips were on hers, something she had desired for so long. She couldn't believe that they were kissing. Clarke put her hands on her hips and pushed her against the fridge. Lexa didn't protest. She was enjoying the moment. She hadn't let herself go since Costia's death. Lexa gasped. Costia . She opened her eyes and pushed Clarke away.

"Sorry, I can't." she murmured.

"Hey, hey, it's okay."

"No, it's not! I... Oh my God, what have I done?" Lexa cried, sliding down the fridge, the head between her hands. Clarke couldn't understand what was going on. The moment before Lexa was kissing her and the moment after she was on the floor, sobbing and in tears. She sat next to the brunette and forced her to turn to her.

"Is it because of Costia?" she asked, trying to be the more delicate as possible. Lexa looked away and shook her head.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I... I'm not ready to be with anyone, not yet. And probably I will never be, if I should be honest.". Clarke gave her a curious gazed.

"What do you mean? Lexa, I need you to know that I... Well, I like you and I will wait for you.". Great , Lexa thought, desperate. She drew her hand through her face, wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Clarke, I like you too, but it's complicated. There's Madi and we both know that she won't approve all of this."

"Don't you try to use Madi as an excuse!" Clarke got angry. "Tell me the truth, Lexa. I know what happened to your wife, but I'm not her. Not every relationship must end like that, for God's sake.". The brunette clenched her fists and scoffed. Clarke couldn't understand. It wasn't her fault, she had lived a different life than her, that was all.

"You don't know anything at all, Clarke. I can't bond with anyone, I'm sorry. Love is weakness , this is what I've been taught all my life and I should have followed this simple rule. Costia would still be alive, Madi and Aden would still have their mother and I wouldn't have grieved so much."

"Lexa, who the hell told you such an idiocy! Love is not weakness, at all." Clarke objected. She was so confused.

"Love makes you vulnerable. And I can't afford it, I'm sorry."

"So what about Friday? Why did you try to kiss me? Just a moment of weakness, I suppose." Clarke asked, standing up. Lexa opened her mouth, in order to say something, but no word came out.

"So? I'm waiting for an answer." the doctor insisted, irritated.

"I... Well, I..." Lexa babbled. Clarke looked at her, with a gaze full of anger and delusion.

"As I thought." she said, heading to the door. Lexa panicked. She didn't want her to go away. She didn't want the blonde to hate her.

"Wait, please!" she called her back. The doctor ignored her, when she heard a younger voice saying her name out loud.

"Clarke! I'm so happy to see you!" Madi greeted her from the stairs. She ran downstairs and joined her, hugging her. Clarke faked a smile and caressed her hair.

"How are you?" she asked Madi.

"Now I'm fine." the girl said. "But what about you? Why were you two crying?" she then questioned and Lexa couldn't help, but hate for a moment that her kid was so smart.