Shallow Valley

34.The Trouble With Wanting

34.

The trouble with wanting is I want you
And I want you all the time
(Joy Williams-The Trouble With Wanting)

Clarke checked the time. Her shift was coming to an end, finally. She yawned and walked to the locker room. She met Jackson and greeted him and then arrived at her agognate destination. She couldn't believe she could finally take that scrub off. As opposite as many of her colleagues, Clarke didn't hate night shifts. She loved the idea of her being able to help people when normally nobody helps anybody, but that shift had been particularly stressing. Two strokes, a car crash, a childbirth and Adria Fish who ate her parents' rings. That child definitely needs to be taught that not everything is edible, she thought, while getting in the car. The sudden buzz of her phone brought her back to reality. Clarke smiled when she read Lexa's name on the display.

"Hey, I've just finished my shift. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, it is. I just wanted to call you." Lexa confessed, a shy voice that Clarke had never thought the brunette could use.

"And I'm happy you did it."

"Well, how are you? How was your shift?" Lexa asked.

"It was hard. We had some problems with Adria Fish, again." Clarke told the brunette. Lexa couldn't believe her ears.

"That child has definitely a big problem with her hunger." she said, laughing. Clarke found herself smiling hearing those laughters. She thought that Lexa had the most amazing and pure way of laughing of the world.

"Yeah, she has. But what about you? How are the kids?"

"Oh, they're fine. They're having breakfast at the moment.". The doctor could hear Hi Clarke (and Hi Clack, Aden wasn't still able to pronounce her name correctly and she found that a very cute aspect of him) and smiled. She felt that moment so intimate, something she had never lived before. She felt part of a... Family? Was it possible? Maybe she should have taken it a bit easier. Niylah and Finn had left a huge negative impact on her and she couldn't let herself go that way.  Moreover, Lexa was still grieving for Costia, Clarke knew that.

"Hey, are you okay?". The brunette's voice brought the doctor back to reality.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, I was... You know, I'm just really tired.". Lexa chuckled and Clarke couldn't help, but desire to be with her, be able to wake up with her every day and live her whole life with her. Hold on Clarke, where the fuck is your head going?, the blonde tried to stop her thoughts.

"Oh, I see. Well, what about hanging out for lunch?" Lexa proposes.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. Raven asked me to have lunch with her today, it's been a while since we had the chance to spend some time together."

"Oh, okay." Lexa couldn't hide her delusion.

"See, I'm really sorry for this week. I know we haven't spent so much time together in a decent way, but I had really horrible shifts and..."

"Clarke, it's fine." Lexa stopped her rambling. "I know that your job can take you a lot of time and it's okay. You're a great doctor and a great girlfriend too. That's why I...". Lexa stopped talking for a while. No, she couldn't say what she had in her mind. Not in that moment.

"Lexa?"

"Yeah, that's why you are you, Clarke. And why I admire you.". Yes, admire, sure Lexa, the brunette thought. "What about a dinner on Friday, after the game?"