Shallow Valley

20.Broken

20.

I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
(Lifehouse-Broken)

Lexa and Clarke were nervously waiting in the waiting room, praying that everything would have been alright. The brunette's face was a pale and impassible mask, but her eyes betrayed a painful anxiety. She couldn't lose him. Not Ilian, please. Not Ilian , she was praying to an invisible and unknown God. On the other side, Clarke was shaking in Raven's embrace, haunted by memories of three years before. Her friend and her girlfriend had joined the two women as soon as possible, followed by Octavia and Lincoln, while the kids were with Nyko at home. Lexa had tried to hide Ilian to Madi, but the girl had seen him while paramedics were bringing him into the ambulance. The woman would never been able to forget her blue eyes, full of terror and despair. A door slamming brought her back to reality.

"Mom!" Clarke said, running to Abby. Lexa gazed at the surgeon, begging for good news.

"Is he safe? Will he recover? Please, tell me that you saved him, Abby. I need you to tell me this.".

The surgeon sighed and looked at the brunette. She reminded of her daughter a lot. Both could appear so strong and self confident, but they were so fragile instead. Abby shook her head.

"I'm sorry, we couldn't do anything. The wounds were too deep and he lost too much blood. We tried, but it was too late. It's a miracle he could manage to arrive here alive." she explained. Lexa stepped forward to the surgeon and violently pushed her.

"No! You have to go back to the operating room and save him!" she cried. Anya held her close, a bit scared by that reaction.

"Lexa, I'm sorry. I did everything I could, I swear." Abby said, with the most tender voice that Lexa had heard in her life. She fell on her knees and burst in tears. Anya hugged her, but the brunette pushed her away, ferociously.

"Leave me alone!" she screamed, while her sister was trying to help her standing up. Clarke watched the brunette sink in pain and couldn't help, but feel so guilty.

"It's all my fault. Again." she muttered, before running away.

________________

Lexa had finally calmed down a bit. Anya and  Octavia knew that they had to question her and they wanted to do it in the most delicate way as possible.

"Lexa." the blonde called her sister. They all sat in a corridor in the hospital and the brunette was drinking a glass of water. Lincoln was next to her and he was tenderly rubbing her back. She leant on his shoulder, sobbing.

"Lexa, I know you are shocked right now, but we have to ask you some questions. Trust me, I would avoid, but I can't." Octavia told her. Lexa didn't say anything, nor looked at the detective. She was in a bubble of apathy, where nothing really mattered.

"Lexa, please." Anya called her again.

"Yes?". The two detectives exchanged a concerned gaze and Octavia decided to take charge of the situation.

"Lexa, you and Clarke explained us how you had found him and where, but now I need you to tell me how you know him. What was his name? Who was he?". Lexa scoffed.

"Tell you who he was, uh? And why?". Octavia furrowed her brows.

"So we can find who did this, Lexa." Anya replied, a bit confused by her sister's behavior. Lexa turned to Lincoln. She felt drunk, even if she hadn't drunk anything and she hadn't abused alcohol since Costia's death.