It's Complicated

Monster

Jay POV

My hands were labored to the wires and mechanics that were around me. My hands were tied in a sense. I didn't want to fight Nelson, and I didn't want any harm to come to Nya. She didn't deserve to die for something that I did, no one did. 

It hurt learning that Nelson did this. That Nelson was somehow the mastermind behind all of this. I thought that he was dead for so long, and here he was killing people to send me a message. I spent my whole life in grief and in guilt over what happened to him, and he was fine. Did Ed know? Why would he do it? Why would he do any of this? When have I ever done something wrong to him?

This wasn't how I thought I would be spending the rest of my days. I didn't think that I would end up becoming the villain, and yet now I know that this was always in my destiny. It was always in my cards, just waiting for the right time to be played. The hero and villain was battling inside of me, and the villain was winning.

I had to have been the villain in this story. It was the only thing that logically made sense. Nelson wasn't the man who kidnapped me. Nelson wouldn't have just disappeared for years only to come back to destroy me. I didn't know what I did, and yet I felt like I deserved it. I felt like I deserved everything that was coming my way.

I didn't want the others to find me. I didn't want them to see that my brother was a monster that I praised for so long. I didn't even want to believe that he was a monster. I just couldn't believe it. He was always the more calm and collected one of the both of us, and now he was a maniac. My brother was a maniac. My father was a maniac. My mother was... Well, I don't know how I feel about her at the moment. Libbie and Cliff were keeping things from me to the point where I thought that they were the murderers. Even if I did make it out of here alive, how would I ever be okay after all of this?

I was barely surviving when Ed turned on me. I was barley surviving when they prodded my brain. I was barely surviving when I distanced myself from my friends. All I have been doing is barely surviving all of my life. That isn't living. There is no way that it could be living. That wasn't the life that I was told that I was going to have when I was younger. Was it all a lie?

Was it really all a lie?

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that all I have been doing is living a lie. I didn't want to believe that I was so... so gullible to believe that my family actually loved me for me and not for what I could eventually give them. There was no way that I had fallen for it, and yet I did, and now I'm in this mess.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" Nelson's cold voice rang behind me, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck slowly rise.

I was afraid. No. I was terrified.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Nelson." I responded, but I could hear my voice wavering throughout the sentence.

"Don't be so stupid, brother. As for you little inner battle that you are having, I don't plan on killing you yet. The other Ninja aren't here yet." His voice sneered.

No, this was definitely not the Nelson that I remembered.

"They will stop you." I said, my confidence slowly building, even though I knew it was fake.

"Oh, I hope that they do. As you learned dear brother, you can make people do anything with the right kind of leverage. Your leverage is your mate in danger. I wonder if it is the same for her..." Nelson said, almost sounding cold and thoughtful at the same time, and that sent chills down my body.

"You won't touch her." I said, glaring right up at him.

"The sad thing is that I tried to warn you, Jay. I tried to make it so that this wasn't something that you had to do. Yet alas, you didn't listen. Now you have to pay the consequence." He said in what I believe was fake compassion if I have ever heard it.

I froze though as I thought about it. He was right. He really did try to warn me, and I just chose to ignore it. I should have continued to ignore them when I distanced myself, but I caved in. I chose to let them bring me back. I chose to continue to enter the relationship with Nya when I knew it would be dangerous for the both of us, especially given my job. I really was a selfish piece of shit, wasn't I?

"Yes, I know what you are thinking. It really is all of your fault. I mean, you gave into all of your desires. Don't worry, Jay. It will all be over soon." Nelson said with something in his eye, but I didn't care to figure it out.

I felt my knees collapse as I grabbed my hair with my hands. I really was a monster. Not the kind that killed people, but the kind that put them in danger. I was the kind that didn't care as long as I was happy. It is my fault that she is in danger, and now there is nothing for me to do about it. I am in hell, and I am leading everyone I love and care about with me to this god forsaken place. 

"Oh, and make sure that you are still working, Jay. We are running a tight schedule, and you wouldn't want to miss the show. I hear that it is going to be quite... shocking." He said with a cackle as he left the room.

I felt unbelievable exhausted as I shakily lifted myself up from the floor and wobbled my way over to where I was working. They weren't going to be in danger because of me. She wasn't going to get killed because of me.

I knew of the danger that they were all entering. They were all going to die because of me. They aren't aware of what they are surely entering. There is no way that they understand what is happening. They have no idea about what they are about to be up against. They don't know what is going to happen.

They aren't aware of the thing that I have created. The thing that was quite possibly going to kill them. I felt numb. I was going to be the reason that Ninjago's protectors died. Would they see me as a monster too?

They were going to have to understand that I had no choice. They would have known me enough to know I never meant to kill them. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for them to get involved. 

I felt the tears return to my eyes again as I looked at the door to where Nelson left. I couldn't feel what I was working on anymore, but I knew I still was, and I didn't care. This was some how all of my fault. I tore my family apart. I somehow isolated Nelson. I am about to kill my friends.

The real monster of Ninjago isn't Nelson or Ed or even Garmadon. The real monster of Ninjago is me, it just took me too long to realize it.