It's Complicated

I Feel So Lonely

Jay POV

It was a week after the cameras. I watched everything change before my eyes in that week. That was the week that everything seemed to go to my parents image instead of my own. I wasn't be forced by any means, but I wanted to try new things. I needed to learn how to be on my own again. 

After my break up with Nya and all of my friends, I could never seem to be myself. It was like they shaped me into being who I was supposed to be. I knew that was the honest truth too, which is what made staying away stuck. 

When I did go around Ninjago, I couldn't help but see them everywhere. It was like the memories that we had made in every location seemed to stand still. Like the memory of us was supposed to be. It gave me hope that I could reunite with them one day, but I quickly shook my head at that. It was never safe for them to be around me, no matter if they had Elemental Powers or not.  

It wasn't just losing my friends that sucked. It was dropping out of regular schooling and going back to online. It was never seeing Ed or Edna again. It was losing that part of myself that was normal. That part of myself that showed me that I did have some sort of humanity. That I wasn't living in this... this nightmare. 

"Jay, sweetheart. Can I talk to you?" Libbie's voice whispered softly as she opened my bedroom door.

"Sure, mom." I said as I quickly rubbed the tears out of my eyes.

"I think you should talk to them sweetheart. They can protect you like how you can protect them. Tell them what happened." She whispered as I placed my head on her lap.

"But that is what I am doing. I am protecting them. I don't want this life for them, Mom. I don't even know that I want this life for myself and I have had to deal with it longer." I said as I felt the tears grow on the corners of my eyes.

"This life is all about balance. I know it is difficult. I had to go through it too. You have all of these expectations, and it is hard to fail. All you want to do is to shield your loved ones and the people you care about so that you can attempt to make them safe. I know you think you are protecting them, but you are also hurting them." Libbie said as she placed a hand on my head.

"If it is pain that I cause them, at least I am protecting them. Protecting them from me and my drama and the people that want to kill me. Isn't that the better thing?" I asked as I let the tears fall quietly.

"You might be protecting them, but I am going to tell you this. I wouldn't be with your Father if I hadn't told him what I had done. Told him of my life and the dangers of being apart of it. I had to trust him. You need to trust your friends. They are going through the same things that you are going through. They can help you. Don't push them away, and you will do alright. Let people into your life. It is the only way that you can truly succeed at anything." Libbie whispered as she sat up and kissed me on the top of my head before leaving my room.

I sat up and walked towards the pictures I had placed on my wall. The picture of Nya and I's first date sat next to the other pictures of my friends. I could hardly remember that time in my life. I don't ever remember my life being this hard before. I don't remember my life being this dark.

I grabbed one of the last pictures I had taken with them before I abandoned them. We were at a café and Cole had dumped a milkshake all over Kai's head. It was probably the hardest any of us had laughed in a very long time. Kai was so mad when I went home with him and Nya. Ray and Maya couldn't stop laughing when they saw him either. 

It wasn't them I didn't trust. I didn't trust myself.