Chasing Euphoria

Chapter Twenty Seven

Cassie

Stupid was one of many words to describe that ordeal.

What was wrong with me? I put him in a position after he did his best to help me. What sort of person does that?

Seeing him again made me sure of how much I needed him there. He welcomed me with open arms and in return I put huge pressure on him - and for what? Because I couldn't handle my own feelings and selfishly brought him into it. I never held any expectation for him to do anything at all for me. Expectations always lead to a let down. He never once let me down, but I know I did to him.

Wandering back to the dorms, it all came to me that Cailen was right and despite me trying to do something about it, my actions did next to nothing. Opening up was one thing, I was barely successful with that, but I never addressed everything. Even then, he was handling his own issues and I was so caught up in my own business that I didn't notice. Nobody had a perfect life and he was no exception, still, I didn't expect him to tell me his parents were divorced. I figured he would've opened up about it to me just as I did with my problems.

Did he not trust me? Maybe I had talked so much about myself that he didn't feel good about talking about his problems.

I wanted to help him. Now, I felt like I failed him more than I failed anyone before. Nobody made me care so much about them other than him. He had a gift, I was drawn to him yet when he needed me, I wasn't there. I left.

No explanation.

Then I did it again.

I was so stupid. If I went back right away, it would only confuse him. I needed a plan so I didn't mess up the third round. Who knew how many times I could accidentally screw around before he left.

Before him, I could ruin things as much as I pleased because there was nobody it affected besides me and I didn't care for myself. Then things changed, I didn't realise that these people around me now were truly affected by what I did. It starts with Landon, but it could soon go on to be Elle, then Cailen. Bringing them down with me was the last I wanted to do, they were so selfless that they would happily do it solely to try and help me.

First things first, go and see Elle. Hopefully she would be back at the dorm and I could tell her the most important things. According to Landon, Cailen was out of town again so I would need to update her as soon as she was back. Whilst I could've texted her, there would be so many questions from her that it made more sense to talk face to face. And, she would probably freak for me saying something that she was dying to know over the phone.

She was weird like that, only brief catch-ups could be over calls and texts and she would rather people withheld the more serious stuff. I think what I had to say goes into that category.

The parking lot seemed dead, classes were long finished and by now people were back in their rooms, more than what seemed to be at that moment.

After climbing up to the third floor, room number 187 caught my eye. It seemed further than usual, unless it was just me being away for so long that I wasn't used to that much effort and having to search for the specific room.

Each of the doors looked identical, the only difference being the number on the front. Some people managed to identify the patterns in the wood to figure out theirs or count the number of steps it took. They made it sound like less thought, but really it was just more hassle than just knowing one single number.

Keys rattling, I fumbled to find the right one with all the others on the chain. Coloured tags were used to try and remember, but I forgot the colours so instead, I was made to read every individual one.