Chasing Euphoria

Chapter Thirty One

Cassie

Time passed and my dreams were still filled with him. They weren't all bad, some brought back good memories. In a way I liked them, they were the only things that felt like he was still with me. The worst part was when I woke up, because he wasn't there anymore.

This was it. This was the time to make my life my own. Have things that were finally mine.

For the first time ever, I had spent Christmas alone. Even my father would insist on seeing the rest of my family for the occasion so there was some sort of tradition. I didn't make the effort to travel there again. That didn't mean I didn't speak to them.

Althea was calling all morning, waiting for me to answer just so she could tell me everything that was happening and how much she missed me there. A greetings card was sent to all of them from me as always and I had one in return, so I had to answer at some point to thank them for it.

At one point, Alexander actually messaged me to say I needed to answer before she drunk cried. He understood that I wanted to be alone, but he also wanted to keep his sister happy.

The girls both went back to their families for the holidays, leaving me to the dangers of my own mind. It wasn't all bad, I managed to get a few things together.

When I said I finally had things that were mine, I meant getting my own apartment and even a car.

Home was a weird thing. Having one all by myself was even weirder. The only place that had ever felt like home to me in all my years was Landon's place. I hadn't returned in almost a month. I didn't belong there anymore, not after everything.

Plus, as far as I was aware he also went back to his family. In fact, I was the only person who actually stayed in Northlyn Hills for the occasion. Pretty sad, I know. There was nothing left for me anywhere else.

Now, I was making the best of what I had.

Boxes stacked in every corner and spread through the middle like a dot-to-dot puzzle in my living space. I didn't know where to start, never mind what I was keeping and throwing out. A moving company was paid a whole lot of money to travel between here and Vancouver to get my belongings from back home. Whilst I still technically owned the house, it was pretty empty barring two bedrooms and a living space.

Organising it all would at least give me an escape from the repetitive thoughts that haunted me the past month. From packing my bags at Landon's to figuring out what my next move would be, I was emotionally exhausted.

Somehow my mind still refused to let go for even a minute.

Over and over in my head, vivid images of the two of us together spun on a cycle. All the good times we had together from the rooftop to the river and everything in between. I couldn't begin to let go. Too much good had come from him for me to disregard it all.

Then there were the awful ones, repeating the day I left all over again. Tears staining his face in a broken way that I caused. I never wanted to be the bad guy.

Yet I was so caught up and became the enemy.

New year soon passed as well and I was ready for new beginnings. That was the whole point of celebrating, right?

My new beginnings consisted of no more dwelling on the past and focusing on the future. Whether they were successful or not was another story. Currently, it was the latter. The past has always had some sort of grasp on me and I could never escape it, I wasn't sure why it would be so successful.

Classes were supposed to be starting back up again in one week. I had until then to fix the majority of my life. At least I now had somewhere to live. Don't get me mistaken, I loved living in the dorm with Elle, but after being so used to having more space and my own kitchen when being with... Landon, I couldn't go back to having tiny rooms and a bathroom that barely fit the sink in there.