Chasing Euphoria

Chapter Nineteen

Cassie

It had been a while since Landon and I had ben to the rooftop, it almost seemed nostalgic. However, the winter months made it a lot colder than I remembered, and to my luck, Landon had a jacket in his car which he let me wear. If there was any time that he was my saviour, this was the moment. Forget about everything else he had done for me, giving me his jacket topped it all off.

Once we settled down in our usual spot on the ledge, I heard him sigh deeply. Usually I was the huffy one, it wasn't normal for him to do that. Deep down, I knew how much he wanted me to simply talk to him. I had spent so long focusing on sharing the little insignificant things to avoid the actual problems. In reality, it wasn't fair. Despite me not knowing much about him either, at least his hidden stories weren't affecting me. He was visibly worried and had barely slept all night just to make sure I slept without nightmares.

Landon would never admit it, but I could see how torn up he was from the curiosity of wanting to know what was wrong with me, what I was hiding.

I didn't have to tell him all of the details, he just deserved something worthwhile that could give him some piece of mind. I wasn't going to sit back whilst he worried about me because I didn't want it to have an effect on him as a result of that.

That's why I brought him back to the rooftop.

"First off, I want to apologise." I felt like I had done that a lot recently. His brows creased, head tilted and looking directly at me in confusion. "It wasn't right for me to keep you in the dark."

Then, he shook his head and let out a humourless laugh. "You don't have to be sorry."

This is what I meant. Landon was far too kind, at least he was towards me. It was blatantly obvious that he was desperate to hear, although refrained from admitting it. His laid back persona was quickly breaking down.

"Ask anything you want."

He grabbed my legs and lifted them onto the ledge facing away from him, then tilted my body and pulled me back so my head was laying in his lap. It was surprisingly comfortable and I felt safer than I should knowing that I was laid down on the ledge of a building. When his hands started playing with my hair, I had to supress my child like grin to stay focused on the serious topic at hand.

"What was the nightmare about?" Was his first question, expectedly.

"Ever since my mom died, I had night terrors, until my grandmother found a solution. If I slept with a night light on or anything similar, they would go away – or at least they wouldn't be as bad." I began easing in lightly. "They would always be similar, something happening to either my mom, or my dad threatening us, sometimes both."

Reliving events was antagonising, but some of the things that would come to me in my sleep never happened. Instead, they progressed and each time they would get worse and worse.

After taking a moments breath, I carried on. "Last night, it was my mother begging me to run and when we did, my father was there. I ran and when I looked back to make sure she was still there, she was gone. This one was different though, my father told me I would regret not coming home, it felt so real."

Night terrors had never been a warning to me, more like an immense panic until my body managed to snap itself out of it. Not once had I ever had something like that. I knew that it was my subconscious trying to pick at me, but it didn't make it any less freaky.

The more I experienced them, the more uneasy I would feel around my father. I had lost count on how many times I was adamant that he was going to hurt me, his yells were enough to make me paralysed and I wouldn't dare look away. Worst of all, I felt guilt by the time I got over it since in spite of everything, he had never laid a hand on me or mom. Sometimes I waited for him to lose control and take his anger out on me, but he never did.