our universe

- P R E G N A N T -

"You're— you're what—?" Juniper stood, stuck in place. Had Vivian just said what she she thought she'd just said? Vivian's shoulders heaved with huge, horrible, gut wrenching sobs. They wracked her entire body, choking on her own tears. Vivian couldn't catch her breath, crying so hard her chest rose and fell at an abnormally rapid pace. She was hyperventilating.

Juniper rushed to her side, wrapping her arms around the girls small frame. She squeezed her tightly, rocking back and forth on the edge of the bed. "It's okay— it's okay. Everything is going to be okay," she murmured over and over. She didn't know if she was reassuring herself or Vivian. Soothingly, "Breathe Vivian. just breathe."

Juniper held the girl she used to know like that for a long time  Listening to the raw pain of her sobs, and the helpless hitch in her breath when she gulped for air. She was a broken down doll, and Juniper had no idea how to put her back together again. She didn't even know if she could.

A shudder rolled through Vivian's body as she took a shaky inhale. Juniper released her carefully, letting Vivian compose herself. Her tears had all dried up, the last few lingering amongst her eyelashes. Her voice was hoarse when she finally spoke, "I suppose you want me to tell you how it happened. Seeing as you're still here."

Juniper did her best not to snap back at the barbed comment. She folded her hands neatly in her lap, "Vivian— "

"I know," Vivian said. "That wasn't fair. But my entire life's not fair, so." She lifted a passive shoulder, and Juniper found that she couldn't read her face for emotions. Juniper used to be able to tell what Vivian was thinking after one glance at her features. She couldn't anymore. Vivian's face was emblazoned with a question mark instead. Expression a blank mask.

"If you want to talk, talk," Juniper replied in a matter of fact tone. "If you don't want to, then fine. I think you should, but I can't force you." She waited. Waited for Vivian to say something. Anything. Or tell her to go. Would she listen if Vivian told her to go? Should she listen? Patient. Vivian need patience.

Vivian watched her for a moment. She inhaled, exhaled. What was she thinking? Juniper wished she knew what Vivian was thinking. "I'm one of the only Muggleborns our year," she began, then paused.

Juniper didn't say anything. She could have said something smart arse-y  to try to relieve the tension. Like "no shit", or "really?" or "I had no idea". But she didn't. She could at least sense that this was leading to the real story. Interrupting would get her nowhere. Her intuition proved correct, thankfully.

"It's hard," Vivian said, pressing her cracked lips together. "You never really feel like you fit in anywhere. Not in the wizarding world and not in the Muggle. It seemed amazing, at first. Magic. You feel special. You were chosen. Meant for something greater in life than stocking shelves at Tesco or cutting hair in a beauty parlor." Her examples were specific. Too specific to be unimportant. "And then you go to Hogwarts and you're starstruck. But then— then you have to go home in the summer. Go home to people who know nothing about Summoning Charms and floating pumpkins. And you have to adjust. You have to. And the second— the second you finally feel normal again, you go back to school, and you have to adjust all over again It's fucking whiplash. No one understands either, how it feels. How it feels to never have a place. Because you lose bits of yourself every time you adjust. You hide parts of what makes you you. Justin— " her voice broke on the name, "Justin stole more pieces of me than I could count. And I can never get them back."

"Justin," Juniper repeated. "Justin so then he's— ?"

She nodded. "The father," Vivian confirmed. "Yeah, Justin is the father." Her mouth curved regretfully, pupils dark. She scoffed, "Justin, Justin, Justin. Justin Edwards. You've seen him before, actually."  She gnawed on the inside of her cheek. "That party over holiday. It was at his house. I- I went for him. And I thought- I thought," she shook her head, nostrils flaring, "having you there would make it harder for me to go to him. Like he wanted. Having you there gave me an excuse not to talk to him. It didn't work. Nothing ever worked when it came to him. I could never— never stop giving. Not to him. He made it impossible for me to stop. And he could never stop taking."